Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
swinkler 6
Probably a tape worm. Where there is one there is more. If you have been noticing weight lose or headaches I will tell you it is a tape worm. Go to the doctor. The treatment is 2 weeks of pills. You'll be fine. :)
Portugirl 13
Now I'm picturing it. FML.
gimmicksz 9
Its those gas sandwiches, you created a new civilization inside you
KweenChelly 6
You need a doctor. STAT!
m3lyc 18
All those saying tape worm are all wrong. OP stated it looked like an earth worm, earth worms are round. There are 2 types of intestinal worm, tape worm and round worm. Based on what OP said he saw, he has round worm. It's treated with a medicine called Mebendazole, available on prescription so get yourself to the doctor, OP.
igetfeisty 6
That thur is what ye call a tapeworm, son.
divadro102 16
You, my friend, have been probed by aliens!!! Go. Now. To the doctor.
savvymarie 8
go to the doctor
Jennielee 6
Sounds like you have a tape worm.
Ascaris_fml 0
ITS NOT TAPEWORM, PEOPLE! MOST LIKELY, IT IS ASCARIS.Ascarid worms are not deadly, but can cause severe illnesses if allowed to grow. Take some mebendazole, but I suggest you ask your doctor about it, first.