Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year-old man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I went out for drinks with two 18 year-old girls and a 30 year-old woman. I'm 53, and wanted to hook up with the 30 year-old. She got drunk after an hour and went home in a taxi, meanwhile the two 18 year-olds drank me under the table. I'm sat with them trying to sober up so I can walk home. FML
Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML
Today, I'm a 20 year-old guy, and my 52 year-old mom has aged really well and looks around the same age as me. Meanwhile, I'm aging poorly and fear that I may soon look as old as she actually is. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML
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Top comments
dantheman1988 0
i think you need to get your priorities straightened out. getting drunk and partying all the time is for immature people who will never live up to their full potential. go to college, study hard, and do something positive with your life besides worrying that your drunk mother is cooler than you. shes not.
DocBastard 40
Yes, because drinking to the point of unconscious vomiting makes you a cool party animal. I'm so glad you have such a respectable role model.
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Comments (153)
bridawg 0
that sucks
intheboot 0
Don't worry maybe you'll grow up to be an alcoholic slob of an adult like your mom. Cross your fingers, I hear its hereditary.
fatgirllovesfml 0
if you get out of your house and stop playing WOW then u will have party's!!!
kaylanicole1255 1
You really wanna be like her? I doubt anyone would call that a life. I mean, reread the part you wrote OP how she could die from her own puke! Oh yea, sounds like a good time!
gutzz 0
I would say it's a f her life, and good for you op. Having fun is one thing, "part animal" is another, full of destroyed liver, kidneys, and much much more. Hooray for health :)
flamegrilled123 3
I do not approve of your blue waffle
AsianCookie247 14
haha ^
SkoalThugz 0
yeah choking on your vomit is actually the oldest party animal trick in the book, bones to your mom shes awesome, so envious of her lifestyle
nalia18 8
yay lets all get druck and choke on our own vomit then wake up nacked lying next to a guy 20 or 30 years older than you without remembering a thing. yaaay...
dre_bro11 12
^ if you wake up. :L
staceysgenesis16 0
i dont think thats a bad thing !! lolol well its bad for your mom .. but not for you. but the worst thing is ur still living with your mom ..
Ariannalang 0
What does your gender have anything to do with your life being ******?
nmitche95 0
my mom is 56 I am 15...FML
world_is_a_fail 6
i think the OP had his age more in mind..
ilovepoppa 0
maybe she could introduce you to some people?(;
marriiee_fml 0
cause partying with 53 year old women is soo much better.
Schlimpikins 0
uhhh COUGARS!
KJLD5 0
hey u der. i beleive thats me in ur picture. u be creepin?
ILikeBigBoobs 2
you can't really choke on your own vomit no matter hoe drunk you are. :-/ The chances are next to none.
cautioninc 0
My mom died at 39 by passing out drunk & asphyxiating on her own vomit. It happens. To bad no one was around to keep an eye on her. If an adult wants to get drunk, no one in their family is going to be able to stop them.
squirmywormyXD 0
that blows u shuda just walked up to him waved ur sandwhich in his face and walked away
null_fml 11
Agreed.
testthecoal 5
wrong fml? Read before posting =
hxc4god 0
lol, "today I commented on the wrong fml, and looked like a wiener.. fml"
MrGold 0
wiener hahaha
PenisJam 2
WTF man
Carpy 8
Work your hand & eye coordination dumbass. You cant even comment on the correct FML. fyl seriously
rawrriri 8
wtf you guys take fml waay to seriously. he posted a comment on the wrong fml so what? its a freaking mistake.
Uraharas_Bankai 1
I'm guessing by your posting name "forever alone" means your single too? No party life or girlfriend? I sincerely feel bad for you.
LunaNstars 0
that's the motto :)
valri3 0
What's the deal with conforming to the idea of being a party freak at 20ish? I would rather be working with a stable job.
Sir_drink_alot 20
You can't be working with a stable job and be a "party freak" that's what weekends are for, and who uses the term "party freak" anyway?
biggary19 3
u have the genes for it now become a drunk like ur mom only go out and enjoy urself and call a cab newb drinkers shouldn't drive lol
j_cat187 20
epic pic
kaylanicole1255 1
I want a puppy! LOL Are they all yours?
didijustdie 0
^ *sigh*.
K2Phresh 1
agree^
MisterMancha 0
At least you have self control?
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
And on top of that, he's a nurturing son. It's not fun watching someone just to make sure they don't pass out and choke on their own vomit. OP sounds sweet.
bombomboa 0
Actually op sounds like he wants to go out and party, he just has no one to do it with
MysticMint 0
You're boring. :(
LunaNstars 0
at least he's not a middle-aged drunk, good for nothing, like his mother. he's a good son who possibly can't enjoy his life for dedicating his time on his wasted mom.
teameminem 2
That's probably a good thing. If OP wanted to be like his mom, he could be, but if he wants a good life, then it's best to stay away.
itsmeganbitch 3
get out of the house and party man
kachowak 0
why do you live with your mom still?
man_in_black08 28
honestly, the replies here r pathetic.. the lady clearly has drinking problems.. the son is concerned that his mom doesnt get choked.. and u both can only think, "why r u still with ur mom??!".. seriously wht have we become.. worse than animals!!.. and now dude (son).. YDI, for not seeing to it that she didnt get drunk in the first place, u tensed abt her choking? and wht abt all the other several diseases that she could get as a result of drinking?.. take care of ur parents, everyone!
Alicia17C 2
ooh look OP! a man more boring then u.
briidontgive_ 0
Lmfao @75. !
MrGold 0
67 is right. People on this website are assholes.
Carpy 8
You need a new keyboard. There's obviously quite a few keys missing from it.
kachowak 0
well 67, if it every night that's a problem. of she's enjoying the end of her years, that's a party. if she raised him to be an adult and take care of himself and he's still there, that's a tragedy. you've got one life, live it up. I'm not saying party every day. get shit done. I have a great paying job, doesn't mean I can't live. kaaaaachow
mrtoothpick 11
He may not. Might have been at a party his mom was hosting, then she just went and got shitfaced.
kachowak 0
that's true
iAmPaul 49
53 is "the end of her years"?? that's only just past mid-life. LOL
runninbrotha 0
did you just start your period 67??
zco101 1
he's 22.... he can be looking for a job after college or can be still in college working his way up to a masters degree or phd.....
dantheman1988 0
i think you need to get your priorities straightened out. getting drunk and partying all the time is for immature people who will never live up to their full potential. go to college, study hard, and do something positive with your life besides worrying that your drunk mother is cooler than you. shes not.
kachowak 0
I roll in cash with a job I love, and party my heart out. don't listen to this fool
DocBastard 40
And I'm sure all the guys you give lap dances to are very appreciative of your enthusiasm.
MuffyStJacques 0
I party, go to college, and get good grades. I don't see the logic in your thinking.
lmaoatall 6
you still look wet behind the ears. keep partying , you'll soon learn what lifes about.
Almandine 7
I think what they are trying to say is that getting completely wasted (where someone has to make sure you don't choke or die from alcohol poisoning) might not be a good thing. Getting a little drunk and partying sometimes is fine. But your liver would like it if you took breaks and didn't do that at 53.
MuffyStJacques 0
I already give exotic strip dances in exchange for sandwiches.
kachowak 0
it's okay, I'm still young, when I'm older I'll be grumpy and sober, live your life, but still get shit done, you've only got one, and doc I'll be waiting :D