Today, my girlfriend posted “Alexa, play 'Flowers' by Miley Cyrus” as her Facebook status, all because I didn’t return her 14 missed calls. Apparently, taking an online proctored exam, which required absolute concentration counts as “talking to other women.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, I woke up to find my girlfriend not sleeping next to me. I go to my car and found a plethora of printed screenshots of me commenting things like, “So hot babe”, “Beautiful! I’d tap that” and other compliments on my female friends’ pictures on Facebook. My girlfriend’s not picking up her phone. FML
Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML
Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML
Today, I was having a heated argument with my boyfriend over the phone. Mid-sentence, I yelled, “You never listen to me!” Alexa, from across the room, replied, “I’m listening.” My boyfriend started laughing so hard that he hung up. FML
Today, I'm more interested in Facebook stalking a former coworker than seeing what my girlfriend is doing on a business trip. On her birthday. For a week. Where she insisted on staying in her ex's spare bedroom. That she decorated for him. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
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Top comments
Ubehage 32
At least, now you know how crazy she is and how little she trusts you. Get out, while you still can.
FluffythePink 23
See the giant Red Flag. Run, Dude, run.
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Comments (6)
Ubehage 32
At least, now you know how crazy she is and how little she trusts you. Get out, while you still can.
Anderling 33
This does not sound like a mentally well woman. You need to either get her to seek help or run for the hills.
poopface82 25
Well…the proctor was probably a woman. And how does she know that’s what you were doing? And what about all the fictional women in the exam? Yeah, I wasted 19 years of my life on someone who was exactly that insecure as well. She’s probably a raving narcissist and beyond repair. Just remember this - if you end it, be prepared to look like the bad guy.
FluffythePink 23
See the giant Red Flag. Run, Dude, run.
bleuroze 4
I've never understood why people mourn the loss of relationships like this. Move on from this toxicity, you shouldn't have to defend your every move.