Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I noticed my daughter’s bathroom was dusty, so I screamed at her for keeping the bathroom in unacceptable condition. She had a panic attack and has been crying for the past week. She’s 24. FML
Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
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Top comments
rotflqtms_ 21
More like F her life. You didn't have to stay there listening to her. You could have turned the TV up, left the room or the house. You could have put music on in headphones or something. No one FORCED you to listen. She was in the bathroom. That's what you do in the bathroom... did you think girls didn't poop or pass gas? What do you think she could have possibly done differently had she known you were there listening to her have diarrhea in the bathroom...a place built just for that?
ojoRojo 27
You could’ve at least gone to another room further away to give her a little privacy
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Comments (4)
rotflqtms_ 21
More like F her life. You didn't have to stay there listening to her. You could have turned the TV up, left the room or the house. You could have put music on in headphones or something. No one FORCED you to listen. She was in the bathroom. That's what you do in the bathroom... did you think girls didn't poop or pass gas? What do you think she could have possibly done differently had she known you were there listening to her have diarrhea in the bathroom...a place built just for that?
ojoRojo 27
You could’ve at least gone to another room further away to give her a little privacy
phybreawptic 13
why wasn't it "Hi, Lyle?"
Bogrbon 27
Shit happens. If she's your daughter, you've likely wiped her but for several years of her life. Both of you should just get over it.