Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
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Top comments
latuka 0
OUCH.
Jimboom 12
So he couldn't be arsed to have phone sex? So what? Usually it takes a long time and the guy could have brought himself to ****** at least twice by the time the dirty talk turns the women on enough to climax. I see no FML here. More like FMF (**** my fingers). Buy a vibrator. On a side note it's really his loss. Phone sex can be very hot. :)
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Comments (207)
fyasko124 0
hahahaha oh my god i laughed at that so hard
podrummer9209 0
Ha. I can't really lie about this one, the day I would turn down sex any time of the day would be the day I sucked a dick. AKA: Never. Some people aren't always ready for sex, though, dear. I've been forced to turn it down, much as I hated to, just because I was too tired to get up =
k8stinson 0
HAHAHA im going to use that line.
kirb_fml 0
i completely agree with #61. let the man sleep. putting that on FML is a HUGE overreaction
Sharpe 0
Haha, guys have limits too. We can't be there ALL the time... But I'd be more than willing to help right now!
schnitzcopter 0
Haha, both have to be in the mood I guess.
_Willo_ 0
Even if he wasn't in the mood he didn't have to be such a jerk about it...jeez people..
DSANTX06 0
what a dick
blueworld_fml 0
Unless he was sound asleep/you live to far away to like, walk, then he should totally be there. You gotta be spontaneous with the lady sometimes.
IMz0r 0
Chances are he just masturbated.