Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
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Top comments
latuka 0
OUCH.
Jimboom 12
So he couldn't be arsed to have phone sex? So what? Usually it takes a long time and the guy could have brought himself to ****** at least twice by the time the dirty talk turns the women on enough to climax. I see no FML here. More like FMF (**** my fingers). Buy a vibrator. On a side note it's really his loss. Phone sex can be very hot. :)
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Comments (207)
MCart_fml 0
OP and #32 you both need new boyfriends. The biggest problem with sex is that people who like sex constantly get together with people who don't. Maybe we should all start walking around with sexual appetite and taste cards so we can compare notes when we meet someone new we're interested in..
firstnlast77 0
@14 it's hard to believe they been dating for half a year and he just now come out the closet to poster: lol REJECTED
mtreece 0
you guys haven't even had sex yet get over yourself
gusrick 20
What a dork! Next time he ask for it you should tell him "Screw a pie, I'm tired. Love Ya ;)"
Kellayy 0
#11 and that's why you're single :P Bah you just caught him at a bad time, you should know the scheduale of sleep :P
lalalie90 0
my boyfriend says that too. You should know my the oxox that he's joking(:
drpepper000 0
What, you want him to drop whatever he's doing and come over to you just because you're horny? That's absurd.
lalalie90 0
lmfao
derfboy23 0
Unless you go over to his place every time he wants to get some you should expect him to tell you no every once in a while. I hate it how some girls think only they can decide when to have or not have sex
lovemelucky 0
I'm sorry, but I laughed at his line. That's not FML worthy, that's just a tired boyfriend who wants his sleep.