Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
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Top comments
bladomas 2
why not both? serve him while naked
ManInTheMachine 20
I think you took him too literally, OP. Guys are crazy about the kinky cook. Just put on an apron, start cooking, and pasta might not be the only thing on the menu. ;)
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Comments (67)
kidtoronto 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dude is hungry, nothing wrong with that
raraisbang 12
Make him dinner in the nude - best of both worlds! * this was not supposed to have been a reply, I apologize for the accidental thread jacking D:
DatBgaNga365 2
I would had you dress up as the naked lady while making dinner just remember to wear a apron bc you don't want the grease popping on the twins
diceplaya 12
1- But OP wants him to be hungry for her..
CaptTeemo 10
10 She's not naked of she has an apron.
LemonandLime 13
If my boyfriend said that I'd point him in the direction of the kitchen and the door. He can pick.
simron_15 3
YDI for being ugly naked...
scarface90 8
51 - wow, guess what? Cooking a nice meal for your bf/husband every now and then is NOT degrading to you as a women...stop filling your head with feminist crap...a relationship is a two way street not my way or the door
MrForgetable 0
45- I LOVE TEEMO xD Lol, sorry, just had too :)
FurryPride 9
Tell him diner is between your legs.
rockaroths 15
89 - more like annoyed -.- damn lil guy
bladomas 2
why not both? serve him while naked
Marrach 7
Ew. Nothing like a bunch of pubes on your fried chicken. Dinner is served.
Feared 9
I like how you said "serve him" instead of "serve him dinner". It added emphasis on his douchbaggory in my books.
MormonPornstar 7
Generally, people don't molt. And they invented this new thing called a razor that helps with hair removal. Brilliant idea, really. Not really sure how her pubes would get into your food anyway, unless your stove is at knee-height.
gc327072 31
If her stove is at knee height and made of plastic she's too young for you bro...
jazzykinss 1
Haha true true
jbsington 8
Why not Zoidberg?
ManInTheMachine 20
I think you took him too literally, OP. Guys are crazy about the kinky cook. Just put on an apron, start cooking, and pasta might not be the only thing on the menu. ;)
NirvashType0Spec 7
Agreed #3
T9FTW 20
kinky + cook = conky (cunk-ee)
lolfood 24
No. :l @above
TrueTriage 16
SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!
SoSoRachel 7
Haha :)
bulbul116_fml 4
decent guy :)
zingline89 18
I think he would have had a different response if you had said you dressed down as a naked lady
MrPlopper 9
-_-
cswens25 8
Guys like this are an embarrassment to men everywhere.
Marrach 7
Its a turn on when you cook for a guy. Offer him BOTH. One before the other. Can't have any hairy situations.
ClassyCommando 13
Guys like this are not an embarassment to men everywhere. This guy just wasn't interested, and had possibly had a rather bad day. Women refuse offers lime this all the time, and make similar remarks in response. Nobody gives them too much shit about it. But guys are supposed to always be interested, and always have a super polite response. **** that.
gracehi 33
There's nothing wrong with turning down sex. There is something wrong with being a douche bag about it. My boyfriend and I both turn down sex from the other every now and then, but neither of us are ever mean about it. This guy IS an embarrassment to men everywhere, not because he turned down sex, but because he was an asshole about it and played into sexual stereotypes on top of it.
snowhitee 6
OMG shut up! The guy works all day while the woman is home then when he gets home he should cook for him self? Is she only there to provide sex? Then he can just get a hooker. Stupid feminist ***** get over yourself
Krajjan 9
40- You know that stereotypes only have as much value as we assign them, right? I'm a redneck, hillbilly, nerd, psycho, metal head, brainwashed baby killer... and pretty proud of it.
gracehi 33
I agree with what you're saying, however, in this situation, it seems to me that OP's boyfriend used the phrase "making me dinner" to demean her when she was making an effort to please him.
thatonename 7
58) I'm pretty sure he just wanted some food ready when he got home. Idk, I'd love it if my girl had dinner waiting for me everyday. Demeaning would be if her bf told her "to get back where she belongs" or something like that.
gracehi 33
That's just how I interpret it in the context. You can disagree if you want. In any case, he was being a dick. He could have simply said, "I'm sorry. I'm just not up to it tonight. By the way, would you mind making dinner please, baby?" instead of making her feel foolish when she was trying to please him. I'm guessing OP will be hesitant to be sexually spontaneous in the future because of this.
Drigr 9
...And we're back to the "guys are expected to always be polite about it" response..
gracehi 33
Why shouldn't they be, 79? And what 21 said about women rudely turning down sex all the time is bull shit. Whenever I turn down my boyfriend for sex I don't throw throw his advances back in his face with some smart ass reply. Men AND women should ALWAYS be considerate of their partner's feelings, especially when it comes to sex.
ALuminousHusky 5
You can blatantly see OP's boyfriend said it as a joke, it's not a hurtful thing to say. If he said 'Get back to the kitchen where you belong, and I expect dinner when I'm home.' that would be out of order, but he light-heartedly asked her to make dinner in a response to her previous message. Even then, shes obviously home first which would be common sense to make or at least start cooking dinner so its ready for when the other comes home, and could be said both ways. Anyway I'm sure OP's boyfriend was having a joke and not be condescending, sexist or giving into stereotypes. Get over it...
tacojauns 45
Sometimes food is more important
FMLGriff 8
Move on. There are plenty of better guys out there. Good luck.
twinny_sc 13
Oh shut up. It was a joke no need to break up over that. Maybe OP should dress up as someone who has a sense of humor.
RedPillSucks 33
tell him you're dressed as a "who's not getting laid" sammich
ClassyCommando 13
He doesn't appear to be too interested in getting laid at the moment.
leannez 21
That was perfectly reasonable and hilarious response! If he works hard and you're home first, why not get dinner started? Not like you can't have fun after you've had dinner! And he'll be more eager to thank you for it :)
snowhitee 6
Exactly! I wish more women thought this way. Now they make everything "sexist".