Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
********** in front of him & tell him he's not allowed to help
sunnyray812 42
What's the point of him telling you then?
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Comments (120)
obnum 19
Haha he's a jerk. Why'd he even call?
buckeyed 20
Perhaps to be flirty...before realizing he was too close to finishing so he had to "play it cool"?
ivydindy13 14
He didn't call. He texted.
Sports_guy3 28
Two VERY different things.
TheWildRover1 12
Me, when I'm horny and sad, is not something any of you guys would ever want to witness!
Sports_guy3 28
You're right, cause we're not pervs, (at least I'm not.)
TheWildRover1 12
Touché #65
Lavelle1313 11
Thanks for the heads-up Simon.
ShiiteDisturber 9
I know it takes two to tango but I didn't know you could salsa solo.
Ksweety_fml 27
lmfao
sunnyray812 42
What's the point of him telling you then?
184886837272837 32
I'm guessing he finished before she replied...
Lavelle1313 11
He should have manned up and just said "too late" or something, lol.
blackzi11a 7
I I feel like he could be getting back at her from a time she rejected him of sex, when he was horny, and he just wanted to return the favor.
SwimmerBoy16 15
Some guys think it's romantic
kurodansei 16
Jerks gonna Jerk (it)
barleyguy 17
Haha I was looking for this kind of response
kurodansei 16
Congratulations! You have found it! Glad I could provide.
teyyoshi 19
exquisite
puggypark 14
********** to his?
chocolatefrog28 29
If I were you I'd beat him when you got home, but it looks like he beat you to it. Or beat it to you. Whichever!
ThatFancyPenn 18
Not going to do anything. He's already beating himself [off]!
Dojan 16
27 - that was the joke, smartypants xP
chevygirl23 17
********** in front of him & tell him he's not allowed to help
little_one1 14
Yes, call him a pervert when he wants to help or watch.
JMichael 26
How cruel..
Das_is_gud 11
So many fml's about masturbation
vipirius 18
Calm down, Satan.
Crazc 15
he would just fap to that
UberNova 18
If he knows he isn't going to get anything out of it, why would he stay and watch? He could just go and doing something.
lovethenumber13 14
97, ever heard of femdom? Maybe he likes being submissive.
buckeye1 9
He would just stand there and watch and probably do it himself while watching so it wouldn't hurt him that bad.
jmann8811 15
LOL!!
olpally 33
That's a waste of a phone call, and very insulting. He's an idiot for also wanting to ********** instead of having sex with you. What a jag off.
Gittoh 21
he didn't call...
TunaFireStarter 16
Hey, sometimes sex is too much of a hassle. Sucks that he texted her like that though.
jazzy_123 20
OP: "My fiance is such a douche bag. Texting me for nothing... wasting all my unlimited texting and shit..." haha x)
evan_7899 28
That sucks the big one
TheBrochure 22
Which OP regrets to inform us she won't be doing tonight.
CestLaVieMonAmi 6
If only.