Today, I borrowed my mom’s BMW to impress my new girlfriend. I'd told her that I owned an accounting firm, so I had to look the part. Today was also the day someone decided to rear-end us. That someone happened to be my boss at Burger King. Let’s just say, the cat’s out of the bag and I’m single now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML
Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML
Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML
Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML
Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML
Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth. What was your game plan even if you hadn’t gotten rear-ended? Keep borrowing that car? Borrow your mom’s house too? Your boss did you a favor.
Sdog 6
You sound like a moron.
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Comments (10)
Sdog 6
You sound like a moron.
Anderling 33
If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth. What was your game plan even if you hadn’t gotten rear-ended? Keep borrowing that car? Borrow your mom’s house too? Your boss did you a favor.
poopface82 25
I’m curious what your end game was, since the absolute ceiling for a plan like this is “get laid and fake your own death.”
BurnInDemonFire 39
Hell of a Whopper there, pal.
Hangryko 32
This reinforced my manchild free status.
RichardPencil 32
Looks like the only buns you're going to get to play with are the ones at work, fry boy! You likely burned your bridges with that girl, nay rather, you flame-broiled them!
Fab4lyfe 1
Damn there’s some haters on the comments.. lol keep yo chin up pimp don’t change the game just push the reset button…
Rozay333 36
Why would you lie about such big stuff? You’d have to prove it eventually. Or just go crazy trying to keep up with all your bs. YDI.
kitten79TX 5
So...you told a lie. And you got caught lying. And your girlfriemd dumped you because you lied to her. And you want us to feel sorry for you because your bad ethics led to consequences? Yeah, no. Take this lesson with you...don't lie to people.