Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

Where did you learn that one?

Today, I tried to impress a French student by saying “Bonjour!” but instead said “Bordel!” which means “Brothel.” She laughed, and so did every one of the french students around us. My cultural street cred is officially dead. FML

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML