Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML
Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML
Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML
Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML
Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML
Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML
Today, someone knocked at my door. I saw it was my Mom, so I flattened myself against the door and tried to be as quiet as possible. I pulled my phone out and almost had silenced it before she called and heard the ringtone through the door. I had to invite her in and hear the usual "get married and have kids." FML
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Top comments
wildpepper 5
maybe you should lock the door next time she leaves the house to check the mail and then laugh and go back to whatever you were doing when she wants back in.
UsernameHere015 0
break in and beat the bitch ass. Prob solved.
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Comments (236)
marie93uso 0
that sucks :(
rawr_iliketacos 0
yeah she's a bitch lol
Tweak56 0
get 5 dollars and make another key
SOTYsNumber1Fan 0
Simple fix. Kick her in the eye.
M13LO 0
break the window that'll teach her or just lock her out
SeanFredrick 3
Ydi for not having your key.
Iegonut4 0
it's funny because your mother locked you out of the house and this is the 5th time it's happened
jack59splat59 0
...and you didn't put a rock through the window??? YDI dumbass.
skroal 7
Stepmoms are worse than normal moms. YDI.
SeanFredrick 3
op If this was the first time I'd say fyl but 5 times? ydi x4
ahhhFYL 0
Sean you're a dumbass. he said it was deadbolted.
hobo_lowbo 0
53" YDI because you were beaten at your own game by "50" hahaha FYL for being slooooow
StoryOfTheYear 15
I'd actually want this stepmom then you can just ditch over to a friends house
SeanFredrick 3
No dead bolt will stop me. I'll kill it.
flotar 0
lol @ 64. W I N. Must've been awkward for 53 though lol
skroal 7
64 - I still have no clue who the hell that guy is. Yet I'm always "stealing his funny".
KiddNYC1O 22
simple, kill the stepmum
musicmaniac925 0
she said the door was dead bolted so how would a key help that
SeanFredrick 3
Well a dead bolt is already dead so just move the body and use your key. Simple.
gabobi91 19
Wow, that's something I see my stepmom doing to me lol.
bashehm 0
or shoot her
competlybaked 0
whatta bitch. videotape it next time
dizzle1989 0
how about it was dead bolted!!! read properly next time!
hockeyplayer82 0
calls for a bitch slap
lovelove24 1
50, it's funny because I am going to rip out your spleen and your large intestine if you don''t stop posting this awful crap.
bamditzki 0
ummm... were u super late?
lolfylanydi 0
"ydi for not having a key" i'm sorry, I didn't realize a key unlocks a deadlock, makes so much sence now
angeljewlz 7
lmao @ #108!
twnftw 0
just nail the doors up and burn the house down and laff at her
Troll_Hater 0
skroal you are a **** sucking monkey.
luckymay 0
WHY DO PEOPLE COMMENT ON THE COMMENT ? D:
OopsieDaisies 0
Keep an extra key in your car or somewhere near the door. That'll show her who's smart.
skroal 7
129 - Haters gonna hate.
damnshit_fml 0
5, ur really pretty
Massdebater 1
when you finally get into the house, grab a screwdriver and put the deadlock on her door.. or shoot her in the face?
twinny_sc 13
I am actually starting to think that you guys like skroal, seeing as in how you all keep adding fuel to his fire. Threatening him and telling him he isn't funny won't make him stop. So how about we just ignore him.
quent10 0
you don't diserve that OP take her most personal thing wit u wen u go to work and hold it up wen she look @ u then when she let's u in break it right b4 she asks u to give it back then laugh at her and go to sleep
PurplePigeon 0
ok...shame on me maybe, but if a deadbolt is what I'm thinking it is...I have one on my door and my key does unlock it.
trumpetGIRL12345 0
hey soty I thought they banned you
LolAtYourFail 12
if I ever have a step mom/dad, ima shoot 'em
KingZaneXII 6
Just plant some crack under her bed and call the cops on her ass and be done with her
comedychick 1
where the hell is your dad and call the cops I'd want to punch that lady soo hard lol
lotuspod 0
a dead bolt is still a lock you still use a key to unlock it otherwise what's the sense of using one if you can't unlock it from the outside
Massdebater 1
a deadbolt isn't a lock with a key you ******* retard. it's a bolt you slide across to lock a door. the WHOLE reason they exist is so you CAN'T open it from the other side. Christ you are stupid.
AmbrosiaFan 19
First off, is the deadbolt accessible from outside the house? If so, then YDI for not having a key to both locks. If not, then why haven't you told the other adult in the house (I'm assuming your dad)? Especially since its the FIFTH time! I'd confront her with another adult present. If you live there you should be allowed access. Then, next time she does that, throw a rock in the window to unlock it.
BallinJ 0
a key wont unlock a deadbolt geniuses.
TwoStrikeBadAss 0
33 Go back and read the part where she says the door was "BOLTED" and 50 I could of sworn she said Step mom .. y'all niggas make y'all selves sound real stupid
TwoStrikeBadAss 0
lM
number0 8
YDI for having a stepmom. Get a real mom.
HeyyImPhuong 0
burn her while she is sleeping
crimsongetsu 0
kill her... problem solved
thatonek1d 0
Jack her ucking keys
corticalchaos 0
#124 you are a mastermind
mrz_tweety22 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dats y i dnt lyk step parents
missmurderx 8
nice grammar.
xtfauthorx 0
Old Grammar Nazi Saying: IT'S NOT CAN I KILL THE JEWS IT'S MAY I KILL THE JEWS
soupey_fml 0
You may.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Anti-Semitist!
twinny_sc 13
YeA Datzzzz y I dnt lykkee tp parentzzz eitherr...Do you realize that is horrible to look at.
CrosbyBlows 0
Oh snickerdoodles...
mspotato135 9
I assume you don't like proper grammar as well?
perdix 31
Quit banging the door while she's banging your dad!
rawr_iliketacos 0
Haha that made me laugh quietly to myself.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
I would bone you ^^
perdix 31
Thanks for your offer, but my comment wasn't THAT funny.
perdix 31
Sorry, no, iicaptain. I hope I don't mislead you and PimpDaddy, but even if I hit a home run with a great comment, I will still not let anyone bone me. I'll accept the kind thoughts, but my butthole will always be closed for business.
ukiboy77 0
59 you would bone anything that moves
SeanFredrick 3
Sure.
SeanFredrick 3
Indeed.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
perdix I'm not talking to you and it's sad that ur queer self even thought about that
simonsaysYDI 8
CJT - Of course you were talking to perdix. Just because he doesn't want to take you up on your boning offer doesn't mean you have to get offended and call the great master of comments names. D: He's too busy with all the ladies
Brittaneyyy 0
step parents are assholes they think their in charge but it's the other way around they just remarried ur a family jewel so she's a bitch and do it to her sometime
Hgielad_720 0
iicaptain, you have the cutest dogs! just saying. :)
Halti 4
legend
UsernameHere015 0
break in and beat the bitch ass. Prob solved.
kate_mama2009 0
or the OP could get a key to the deadbolt so they can get in. and if the "deadbolt" is the chain thingy, carry bolt cutters around =D
hoghunter 1
slap that bitch up side the head with a frying pan.
Sportsfan86 3
LOL
TeeHee124 0
YDI for eating yourself. YDI for licking snails. YDI for slow roasting your gramma. YDI for wearing your pants over your head. YDI for having 2.9 teeth. YDI for smuthering your neighbor with a pillow. YDI for chucking turtles at a drunk lamp. YDI for sniffing the lamp post. You deserve it for reading a book about morbidly obese spoons. YDI for think that "poop" is spelled p-o-o-p. YDI for not finding the governor attractive. YDI for slapping an old man with a banana.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
YDI for being a douche^^
TeeHee124 0
YDI for lifting up your toenail and eating the goldfishes monkey juice.
TeeHee124 0
Talking Bout # there yo. 60, YDI for not licking a kitten. Can't top that, can ya? Thought not.
yake12 0
teehee your attempts at humor fail miserably
TeeHee124 0
Your attempts to attempt to attempt to tell me That my attempted attempts for humor attempt to FAIL. Attempt. 8P
sexy_babe_123 0
hey teehee... STFU
TheNewGuy03 29
hm, someone's trying hard. as woody would say, "reach for the skyyyyy." |the kid|
TeeHee124 0
In Soviet Russia, I FTSU! (F* THE SHUT UP)
Grimmerie 31
teehee, you're ridiculously unfunny. stop breathing.
TeeHee124 0
Thanks, but I'll pass
emilyxorawr 3
shes evil :(
lindseytaylor201 0
sorry op, but that's friggin halirious. that sounds like something I'd do lol.
lamc0885 0
In no remote way shape or form is this hilarious it's mean
wildpepper 5
maybe you should lock the door next time she leaves the house to check the mail and then laugh and go back to whatever you were doing when she wants back in.
TibbysMusic 1
Perfect
Geiko_fml 0
Oh, I would definitely do that if my stepmom was a bitch like that. Revenge. It's fun.
just_nicole 1
dude just woop some ass!!(: lol thts what IIII would do at least!! :O
nanners16 0
you should stay home one day OP, and wait till she leaves, than do the same thing to her. than when she's standing there, call her and say "ohh how the turn tables..."