Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML
Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML
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Top comments
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Trying to use fml to help in your cover story is a horrible plan.
rebekahmarie 0
...So lying in your bed laughing automatically means you're masturbating?
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Comments (96)
robort12 0
lol win
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
There’s something wrong with your bro if he chooses not to believe your story and continue believing you were masturbating. If my daughter told me that id try everything i could to forget, but then again my daughter is meg
krazy_glu3 0
haha awesome ^
hghiPigh 0
I refuse to believe that you weren't masterbating
ScaughtieHolden 11
Lol television references. It's mastur by the way, it even says it in the FML -_-
fmlwinnn 0
and I refuse to believe that margarine is not butter.
banana_buddy 6
I refuse to believe her brother didn't walk in and offer her sexual relief.
rebekahmarie 0
...So lying in your bed laughing automatically means you're masturbating?
VianaJ_Garcia 14
Maybe she was grunting too much and too loud. She might as well have laughed.
secretcina 0
n
metal8214 0
well IM laughing :)
sammy92 0
hahaha that's what u get for holding in a laugh I guess hahaha
evan980 0
if you hold in a laugh someone will always question you, they may not think youre masturbating, but the questions will happen :)
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Trying to use fml to help in your cover story is a horrible plan.
cavalos94 0
win haha
hellokat1 0
I was thinking the same thing.
Macromartyr 3
I have a talking cat too!
Macromartyr 3
HAHAHAHAAHAHA I'm actually laughing out loud at that one....hoo hoo Hee Hee.... *sigh*
DelPiero10 0
Cristo!
Somedood117 0
this happens to me a lot, but people don't think I'm masturbating. fortunately =P
KasCiaYr 0
or you think so...
Keylogger_0 0
Now go and **********, maybe your brother will think you're laughing! Its a win-win situation!
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
I think your brother heard you, and wanted to see it so he walked in. I'd watch out for him
PurpleWaffles 2
I wouldn't believe you either.
atomicJ 0
Haha tell him don't be jealous just because you will go blind and I won't :D
kattylizbeth 19
You don't go blind from masturbating. -.-
iheartdance 6
Why would you bother trying not to laugh? If it was because you didn't want to wake up or disturb others, obviously they were already awake.
usjdbxlsjgdoa 0
maybe so that he wouldn't wake himself up because he was on the verge of sleep? btw, your picture is cool. :D
redbluegreen 41
Maybe someone's a light sleeper and the OP was trying to be considerate.
UpsidedownKayak 9
Maybe, it's because people who laugh to themselves, without reading FML or watching TV, appear to be crazy. At least, that's what my invisible friend and I have discussed.