xharmonyx
United States
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
heck
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Windsor Heights, United States
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Confused
Bath, United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
evomadrid24
United States
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Anonymous
Belton, United States
Waste of time
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
overflowing
United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
thinking of military school
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
slaughterteddy
United States
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Top comments
panny10112326 1
Why even bother putting FML if you totally deserved it?? Drugs= baaaaad shit.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah... Paying the same friend you rip a bong with to pass a drug test for you isn't a good idea. Must've been high when you agreed to that.
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Comments (253)
xIBleedPurplex16 0
Apple juice
j_cat187 20
Like in goldmember?
Driveshaft 5
So...you're stupidly irresponsible AND gullible! Good combo, I'd LOVE to hire you!
KiddNYC1O 22
Brian's at it again!
ClaremoreZebra 8
Haha, you deserve it for two reasons. 1. You should never **** with drugs when there's a possibility of a drug test in the near future. Such as sports seasons or a work issued test. And 2. Never buy piss from someone you don't fully trust. That one seems pretty obvious.
CharliesCool2084 8
I wonder what they spent the money on.
alera_fml 12
How the hell did u manage to get it in? The drug test rules here are really strict.
will10195 1
You are honestly dumber than a box of rocks! YDI!!!!
EmaK13 2
I'm sorry, but this was all you. Some people make their own bad luck. You're one of them.
Tommay186 7
Dumbass YTDI
ashhoward123 2
All u mf's stupid when I bet mostly all of u drink but so many ppl are looking down on this "drug" when liquor ***** u up so much more how about u all stop drinking and he will stop using "drugs" in my opinion unless u are ******* virgin Mary u have no rite to judge the next mf
DocBastard 40
All I read here was "Blah blah I love weed blah blah blah alcohol is worse blah blah blah self-rightous blah blah ******* blah." Go away.
dogpup4 23
DAMN, GO TO SCHOOL OR SOMETHING.
THE_A_TEEN 28
MY EYES! The anti-bad grammar googles, they do nothing.