xharmonyx
United States
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
heck
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Windsor Heights, United States
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Confused
Bath, United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
evomadrid24
United States
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Anonymous
Belton, United States
Waste of time
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
overflowing
United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
thinking of military school
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
slaughterteddy
United States
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Top comments
panny10112326 1
Why even bother putting FML if you totally deserved it?? Drugs= baaaaad shit.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah... Paying the same friend you rip a bong with to pass a drug test for you isn't a good idea. Must've been high when you agreed to that.
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Comments (253)
j_cat187 20
Or before a drug test, you smoke a shit load of weed.
rak393 6
Oh my, people here are rude. Who cares if this person does drugs? It's their life, let them do what they want and don't be so darn rude about it.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Yeah, it's their life, I don't care what they do with it. What I do care about is that they choose to do drugs then bitch about not passing a drug test. They came on FML to whine about it, they deserve to be ridiculed.
hotrod12 1
L
unhappybitch 8
Your*
nikijcchz 10
You deserve it!! Don't do drugs u idiot!!
gelfx 1
that's what you gey for being a junkie, you suck at life and so do all your friends
nc1234 2
Rip a bowl then tell me pot is bad
svecco 4
My oh my, all these experts telling everyone that drugs are so bad! It's the devils brew I tells ya! But surprisingly, while we have in Europe a (much, MUCH) more tolerant attitude towards drugs (not even counting the Netherlands where hash and cannabis are legal to buy), we don't have anywhere near as close the amount of junkies or problemes concerning drugs. But hey, maybey we're doing it all wrong and should adopt the 'efficient' american way of dealing with drugs, locking people up for the ridiculous amount of a few grams of marijuana, labeling them junkies altogether. BTW, hate to burst the bubble but do you even realise what coffee, tea, chocolate, alcohol, junk food, shopping, 'harmless' medicine or even working out does? Exactly, they all do the same thing, give a satisfaction to the brain. Now, I seem to remember hearing something in that particular order that certain substances do... I'm certain of it, but then again, since I occasionally smoke weed, I must be hallucinating and throwing away my life and blablabla.
Bassist5798 0
thank you for this!!
zyprexa_fml 10
You took the drugs. You payed the price.
zyprexa_fml 10
Karma's just a bitch isn't it?