xharmonyx
United States
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
heck
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Windsor Heights, United States
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Confused
Bath, United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
evomadrid24
United States
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Anonymous
Belton, United States
Waste of time
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
overflowing
United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
thinking of military school
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
slaughterteddy
United States
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Top comments
panny10112326 1
Why even bother putting FML if you totally deserved it?? Drugs= baaaaad shit.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah... Paying the same friend you rip a bong with to pass a drug test for you isn't a good idea. Must've been high when you agreed to that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (253)
josh1246 4
$200 says the guy u paid bought drugs with ur $(;
mop909head 1
Dude synthetic urine, works every time
lokman_fml 7
Just tell them it wasn't your pee and ask for a retest. Dumbass.
BadKitty13 28
Y.D.I. !!!!!
Bassist5798 0
drugs= good r u all ******* stupid it's illegal drugs like heroin Meth crack LSD and ecstasy. that r bad, marijuana is beneficial to u and ur health do some research... marijuana 0 deaths:) ....please hate and comment
Bassist5798 0
prescription medicine is considered a drug too...
DocBastard 40
Your nearly-incomprehensible drivel does little to further your cause, Einstein.
BobbieH 19
That's always my thought about the pro marijuana rhetoric. The people purporting it are rarely comprehensible, which does nothing to help and plenty to harm them in reaching their goal. It's absolutely true that marijuana has never killed anyone on its own, but arguing that it isn't ever harmful is a poor argument. It can be. Not that alcohol, which is legal, isn't more harmful and can kill you directly. But when the pro-marijuana ales the argument, often you can't follow the conversation. They need better speakers to further their cause.
Bassist5798 0
I'm sorry that I'm not a public speaker type or one to push an argument very well my passion is in music and not English.... and it wasn't a fully marijuana speech either lol it was about every drug really
doctorhook86 25
YDI. Nothing else to say.
kaila332 0
Shouldn't have done it That's what u get
momo1972 3
You sooo deserve that. That is so poetic justice. Loser. Stop doing drugs. Your such a waste of space
kindgremlin 5
Awesome.
kei1108 13
YDI. Do not expect one bit of sympathy from anyone. I'm sorry, but just get clean.