xharmonyx
United States
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
heck
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Windsor Heights, United States
Pissed
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Confused
Bath, United States
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
evomadrid24
United States
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Anonymous
Belton, United States
Waste of time
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
overflowing
United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Are you taking the piss?
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
thinking of military school
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
slaughterteddy
United States
Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML
Top comments
panny10112326 1
Why even bother putting FML if you totally deserved it?? Drugs= baaaaad shit.
The_Hitdude 12
Yeah... Paying the same friend you rip a bong with to pass a drug test for you isn't a good idea. Must've been high when you agreed to that.
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Comments (253)
LennyComa 39
Way to break the Law twice asshole
latestcrazegirl5 5
Hey dude maybe you shouldn't be doing drugs and you wouldn't have had that problem. :P
heitwl 1
Really? You brought this on yourself. It's like people in prison, they all think they are a victims.
wlddog 14
If drugs don't effect your mind then why take them at all? It's stupid to say they don't.
Stormyskyes313 4
Wow, is society that stupid now?
Axipiter 24
The best thing would have been to hire the same guy who sold you his pee to hit you with a sledgehammer the day of the test. When you wake up from your coma a month (or longer) later, you'll be drug free!
texas_redneck88 10
N-n-now kids I'm here to talk to you about drugs, mmkay. Drugs are bad, mmkay. Kids, has that marijuana made it around the room yet? No? Mmkay. Now drugs are bad, mmkay and alcohol is bad mmkay
groupleader 7
Since you didn't get the job, I hope you at least found out you were pregnant.
aileen15 15
wow u totally deserve that say no to drugs do u not remember D.A.R.E (drug abuse resistant education) oh man I need a life if i remember all the way from 5th grade lmao but no really don't do drugs not cool your just throwing your life away
ClaremoreZebra 8
Haha, you're just the average stereotype. Depending on what "drugs", I'm not talking hard drugs here, he's not necessarily throwing his life away. Don't get the job? Next application. He never he's doing drugs 24/7, did he? No, I don't think so. I'm not saying that drugs are something to encourage in others, but research, moderation, and safety make it pretty easy to have an amazing life, but still have a little extra fun every now and then. Also, he probably is a major druggie since he was dumb enough to buy dirty pee, just google the wizinator and all druggies problems have vanished,
ClaremoreZebra 8
****! I edited it but the time ran out. I made it less dick-like, anyway sorry if I hurt your feelings. But OP just needs a Wizinator and all this could have been avoided!
aileen15 15
not taken and actually I'm not stereotyping I'm saying the truth drugs r bad for u and your health I don't do drugs never did never will your jus starting your life out bad first weed then harder drugs then harder drugs that's just how it goes drugs are overrated and always have been no point in them at all that's. my opinion btw drugs put u on the street kill you or mess u up that's the truth!
tobedd 13
Ok *getting ready to be yelled at* I think that drug tests are s violation of personal rights. What the OP does on the weekend or evening is of NO concern to his employer unless he'd be working with the substance they test for. If they are going to do drug tests, test for alcohol, retardation and diabetes while you're at it. Someone is WAY more likely to allow alcohol to influence their job, do something stupid that causes the company money or end wasting money from the healthcare plan. What OP was stupid, yes, but should never have been allowed to happen in the first place. AND before you comment back, no I don't smoke etc just from a Country that's more liberal.
shadevil75 6
In sick of all the judgmental people on here saying OP deserves it when we all know most of those same people use something, whether it be prescribed (usually to someone else) or gotten off the streets.
deviable 9
Some jobs need people who don't do drugs, like a job that involves being called in at a moments notice. If you were in a car accident at 3am and they had to call a sergeon in, would you want him to operate on you while baked out of his mind? I didn't think so.