Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML
Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tacojauns 45
Man how high were you?
Ukeee_X 19
Can you not testify that? It could be a mix-up.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
Ukeee_X 19
Can you not testify that? It could be a mix-up.
Damian95 16
Up....as in high?
rg350dx 29
No, UP as in the Pixar animated flick about an old man and a boy scout.
SenselessPattern 12
A synonym for a half of a compound word? You must have great flexibility, because that's a pretty big stretch.
sabrinaacrow 26
#24 that is such an amazing film
JACKxRAWR 22
#38, the first ten minutes make me cry every time.
Ukeee_X 19
The first ten minutes of that film have made me cry harder than any other film has, it's just heartbreaking!
tacojauns 45
Man how high were you?
rg350dx 29
Cocaine's a hell of a drug..
Jemm_fml 29
NO OFFICER, it's "Man, hi, how are you".
Really_SIGH 7
"It was only meth, I swear!"
lonewolf621 17
Why dont they just say no and make it easier for people?
feldco1 17
I agree but sometimes it's nice to know why you didn't get the job because it could be something fixable so you can be a better candidate for future jobs.
noobsatin 19
maybe you just forgot. you know that sort of the thing happens when you're on drugs.
supertoasty 7
There is no such thing as "forgetting" to take a drug test.
CaptMurdock 25
I think he meant that maybe OP forgot he actually took the drug test.
gracehi 33
No, OP. When they told you topee in the cup, it wasn't because they were out of apple juice.
NagainaFier 16
Wait, are you sure? Well, shit...
Pleonasm 36
Exactly, you were supposed to supply them with weed.
Axipiter 24
That was the real test...
Reaper1984 13
Maybe it was to see who brought the most weed, and OP didn't bring anything.
BadApple88 29
So why dont you just tell them you never took a test and retake it? Hopefully by then the weed will be out your system lol
brammerderambam 8
#9 i hope that he hasn't been smoking it in a month, that shit stays in your urine for about a whole month ;o
elgordogrande1 11
20- Weed can get out of your system in a week sometimes. Or if they're only using the shitty drug tests from CVS or Walgreens it won't be sensitive enough to detect weed after a week or two depending on how much and how often you were smoking before the test.
Mr_Satan 11
It varies from person to person, and stays longer depending on consistency of use, amount of body fat you have, how well hydrated you generally are, how often you do activities that make you sweat, and probably other things as well. Weed can be out of your system (excluding hair follicles) in as little as a day or two, or it can stay for a month or more. And yes, I have passed a drug test two days after smoking.
DocBastard 40
You did fail it. You were supposed to show up high, and you were obviously as sober as a judge. They don't want "your type" working there.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Your right !
rg350dx 29
His right what?
mudkipsan 19
His right exclamation point.
Ambiguous404 6
You must have got a high score!
chris_42 11
You're actually on so many drugs that you don't even remember the drug test. It's sad, really.