Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML
Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
Today, I woke up after I had gotten shitfaced, and tossed out of bars by bouncers several times. I even had pictures of my face circulated to other bars not to be served. I then met a woman I almost smoked crack with, and spent the rest of the night following her while she asked random homeless people for free crack. FML
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Top comments
juststephhere 23
Well now you know to not trust strangers with your vehicle. Next time just call a cab...
patrickeli 15
Serves you right for getting overly drunk and trusting a stranger.
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Comments (63)
juststephhere 23
Well now you know to not trust strangers with your vehicle. Next time just call a cab...
adrian1910 15
Why I drive a motorcycle? No one can use it except me.
juststephhere 23
Haha you're not the only person who can drive a motorcycle silly! A lot of them have two seats too! You also shouldn't be driving one while you're drunk...
patrickeli 15
Serves you right for getting overly drunk and trusting a stranger.
lj19717 19
As opposed to getting drunk and driving yourself home?
JustinJK 21
@47 or you know they could have called a cab, taken a bus, used uber, asked a friend. I would never trust a random to drive my car.
RenoTheRhino 30
Appeal the DUI. If you have any evidence, like security camera footage from the club showing you two leave, maybe you can get off with just a wrecked car.
incoherentrmblr 22
I hope you have her phone #. Hopefully, though doubtful, you can have your car checked for prints. Otherwise, you're gonna need a good lawyer...
adamjcurryy 19
Eye witnesses should be able to point out a girl running from the scene as well. Hang in there, OP; just don't trust strangers like that again.
Marie54321 19
Does stranger danger mean nothing to you?
MrConcise 35
I, err, really think that might be a misapplication of the phrase....
quickit 24
I think the application of the phrase would have saved OP a ton of money.
Just_A_Tree 20
Louis C.K. : "guys just sort of push everything off all night when trying to get laid. Once they come it's like reality just rushes in and hits them in the face. It's like coming back down from the Hulk. Really surprised and confused as they realize everything that's happened."
drizzy11 18
thank you for your service
Dcm210 19
YDI for trusting a crazy woman.
swaglesshipster 23
Well you're alive. You've got that going for you!
magicman13 9
bitches ain't nothing but hoes and triks
J_Jay98 21
Why would you trust a random stranger? But sorry about your car, that sucks.
devildog562 33
I have to say you deserve it. One for trusting someone you just met, at a club no less. Chances are she was drinking or on something as well. Finally, there are so many other options to get home safely. On that note , sorry you had a hard lesson. Hopefully a medical personnel can confirm the seatbelt mark on the shoulder, if you hit hard enough.
jimmy_poison 19
So you took your car to the club and then got wasted??? What was your backup plan? If you're going to get wasted, you don't drive in...