Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
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Top comments
bibbster18 11
Hey man, you never know maybe she likes that kind of stuff.
gribbles 12
Haha! Force of habit. I constantly find myself yelling corner when walking around corners no matter where I'm at.
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Comments (246)
shireman97 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So you like them had and violent I see
MichellinMan 20
what?
Sandsh8rk 36
Can you please say that in english?
berichsoon 11
1- nothing OP said indicates that his date was bad or violent, so what the hell are you trying to say?
I_lost_the_game 25
39- Thank you for translating what 1 was saying.
MsCowsiecow 6
1 is making a joke about how he pushed the girls head down. "so you like it hard and violent." Can you guys not just figure it out based on context?
fml121785 14
That's really hot!
ImTheAlpha 30
Op meant that he had to push down criminals.
supbabes 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wtff how did anyone vote that he didnt deserve that. **** the police. I hope no chick ever calls this loser. Fuckkkkk theeeee policeeeee though.
thgiL 9
87 - the fact that you honestly believe "**** the police" makes me believe you are extremely ignorant and unintelligent. And even more ignorant for calling op a loser for a habit. Think before you post please.
boxbrandon11 20
Hopefully she likes kinky sex
HiddenValley 5
Oh how I just love puzzles!
Lexi_princess 3
#1's first language might not be English.
Sandsh8rk 36
55 - I didn't realise until I saw your comment. Did 1 realise that for the first 2 minutes he could edit his comment?
JocelynKaulitz 28
But don't you push down heads only if they're going to be put in the backseat? Or Do you put the criminals in the passenger seat as well?
HollyDolly660 8
Doesn't matter which seat it's in. It's a habit for a cop when opening the car door.
feitan98 13
I hope you are some type of law enforcement and not someone that forces random people into your vehicle Don't give a damn about grammar also so if you bitch I just want to say Grow the **** up and get your head out of your ass. **** I bet most of the people that are grammar nazis are people that won't say shit to someone in person about that persons grammar knowing that if they did they'd become that persons bitch. Or get his ass beat the **** up.
bibbster18 11
Hey man, you never know maybe she likes that kind of stuff.
LadyA13 1
I wonder what her exact reaction was.... Mine would have been pretty bad.
glittercookies 12
I know I would.
Trix_Disorder 20
I would have laughed, and understood. People need to lighten up.
outoftown 27
#22, I've had this happen, when a friend of a friend drove me home. I understood it was force of habit, but it still felt a little creepy. Like getting frisked by airpost TSA: for safety, but still... icky. I didn't say anything, just let it pass.
igottafeelingxo 9
Bring out the handcuffs ;)
FWG420 2
indeed!
anyav3 13
I would have played along, who knows it could have turned into role play ;)
Inheritance 10
Hand cuffs are kinky show her those, and maybe you might get lucky.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Why does everything always have to get dirty
igottafeelingxo 9
Because that's just how things are these days. Its just gonna get worse lol
LittleGreenPaola 23
Maybe she dated a cop because she wanted to try handcuffs.
PeachesnCream88 0
Just tell her the truth, i bet she'd laugh :D
Evaloscity 6
(80) Uh, you're 15..
igottafeelingxo 9
(225) Me being 15 makes me unable to say something funny, yet perverted? Age doesn't really have to do with anything lol.
Evaloscity 6
Yes, yes it does.
gribbles 12
Haha! Force of habit. I constantly find myself yelling corner when walking around corners no matter where I'm at.
bteundeadmidget 5
I yell coming around when ong around the corner I hate it
Big_lama6 7
Out of curiosity, are those habits picked up from the military?
tornadoboy1947 5
No. As a waiter/waitress at a restaurant, you usually yell corner whenever you go around a cover so you don't crash into someone with plates.
Kaleigh090 11
I say "behind" a lot which earns me some strange looks from the persons walking in front of me.
justonecomment 2
Lmao! I do to, my mom just gives me a face and keeps walking.
iTayTayTaylor 1
I find myself standing on a corner sometimes even when I'm off duty.
Dr0reos 8
It only starts to get weird when you pull out the taser
cupcake2991 4
I'm in the same boat. I'm a pastry student and I have a habit of yelling "behind" or "hot, behind" Oh well haha
Xephyr 1
All of that Battlefield 3, huh?
Evaloscity 6
*at walmart* CORNER!!
jesustitts 20
195-careful with saying hot, behind. Someone might think you're hitting on them.
teddybby 5
Well, could have been worse, u could have got your handcuffs out to cuff her :/
hockeychicl003 6
that could be bad or good, depending what she likes, if you know what I mean ;)
belliebean 7
Thats hot ;)
mariazzz 5
Oh that would be good ;)
SpottedZebra42 14
61 - Your emotionless expression in your profile picture completely cancels out any emoticons you try to use.
perdix 31
#4, I don't know why "they" are thumbing your comment down, it's a fine one. Maybe because the lyric is "fleck, fleck, fleck, fleck, flex." You can't say all those "x" sounds in rapid succession without choking. Well, maybe YOU can!
Enslaved 38
Psst I'm #34 not #4. :P And it's fine. I get thumbed down quite often. And apparently you do too. Haha Ouch on your other FML comment!
solosohigh 15
107- yeahhh I think perdix actually was talking to #4....
realeah 4
147- Go look at 34's comment... Now come back and check and see if what you said was correct. It wasn't. Perdix meant 34.
onlychildFTW 34
This seems like it would be a fun idea to me.
teddybby 5
#78 the fact that you probably don't have an actual profile picture makes me think that your comment is actually irrelevant to me :D
roninvamp 4
Lol that is awesome
Miss_Attitude96 24
Well, at least you didn't say "Anything you say can and will be held against you."
Havin 19
I would have said Channing Tatum
legendbiscuits 5
120 - relevant profile picture
Arthurie 30
129 - When does the narwhal bacon?
rosaxxcheers95 3
*anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law*
GodsLittleMistak 8
Hopefully with some explaining she'll understand. You could always maybe pass it off as a joke if she knew you were a cop?
CreepInTheCorner 11
Oh my god. Fail.
Krajjan 9
Glad you noticed. Though I'm curious as to how you had the foresight to announce your own failure?
chellytiger 12
If I was her I'd laugh it off and ask if you were gonna cuff my later. But maybe she'll forgive you. Lol
3040evan 2
Oh I like you lol when can we go on a date ;)
subwaysurfers 13
I hope she forgives him because she'd be pretty uptight to not just laugh it off.
sisterjameela 7
49- I'm free right now. I'll be right over.
chellytiger 12
49 Keep dreaming sweetie. I'm taken.
fallingstarsxox 8
Lol maybe if you explain that to her she'll understand