Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
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Comments (144)
DavMC 0
an apple a day does keep the doctor away but only if u throw them hard enough 2 knock the bastard out :)
feverinurbeaver 0
today, a patient made me stick a q-tip in his ass FML
Drumr3oy 0
bet u liked it!
Theblue_fml 0
are you sure it was a Q-tip?
Dwight_A_R_Manag 0
snickers try sticking a Qtip up your ass and swirl it around
SMackdaCat 0
What?! what?! Surprise Buttsecks!!! ...better a Q-tip then that apple ...Or did u just think it was a Q-tip? rofl
Monikabug 9
Okay, woah! All that Snickerdoodles was saying is that having a Q-Tip in your butt is not the worst thing in the world to happen to a man. The OP's life is certainly not ****** just because this happened, so yes, BOO HOO for him. I think most people are missing the point on this one. The OP never said that his doctor put a Q-Tip in his butt for no reason. He probably needed something examed and was trying to make a joke out of his experience by saying an apple a day wouldn't stop it.
Danftw 0
ive had one in the pisshole before, its nothin.... ****** man up people!
hondabikez 2
better than fingers!
trumpetGIRL12345 0
that must have been the worst dentist appointment ever huh.
morgan020 0
haha
trumpetGIRL12345 0
yay someone with a good sense of humor