Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (144)
sexygloriasare 0
The best club for seek ing the rich singles, sex y beauties. ...what's the most important is that you don't have to be a milli onaire, but you can me et one. ... Meet a Rich Match on w w w . w e a l t h y s e e k e r . c/ o m The best club for seeking the interracial singles, sexy beauties and even hot interracial celebs... I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy . You should check it out!!! GGGGG w w w . w e a l t h y s e e k e r . c/ o m Welcome back to the best and largest site for dating successful singles and admirers in the world! You can find tens of thousands of matches and friends right here, especially those in your city.
ryann2010 0
what what whattheres a q-tip in your butt! :D ahaha
ezrl_ritvoi 0
and guys wonder why girls don't often like anal...
opengirl_fml 0
seriously, a cotton swab? your life is f*cked because of a cotton swab? don't complain, that's nothing compared to what it could of been. take, for example, a colonscopy (sorry for the spelling.. one word i never could manage) which involves a tube, and a small camera entering your anus. anal sex is another example. suck it up.
colomexparra 0
monikabug....seriously..r u snickerdoodles fml lawyer???? how much are u getting paid??
PMS_Queen 2
Oh, OP... I've never, ever been to the dr. when they've done something (anything) without explaining it to me first. You didn't pay attention to what the dr. was saying, and now you're crying about it.... Jeezus. Really? I'm glad you're a man, because if you were a woman, you'd never be able to handle the pain and make it through childbirth. (Even though, anatomically speaking, we are talking about two different areas of the body here...) Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. :-P Also... If you ever, EVER, get a girlfriend again (because, if she had any wits about her, she'd have left you by now over the whole, "A big mean man stuck something up my poor little butt!" crisis), please use this FML and everyone else's comments about it before you even suggest anal sex to her. But, I doubt you will. Whiny, crybaby men are a general turn-OFF. Next time you go to the dr., ask for the gas to make you go to sleep. :-D Then you won't remember anything. Peace, love and hair grease! :-D
your_face 15
1. Just because the doctor explains what he's doing first, doesn't mean he won't go ahead and do it. Having the doctor tell you, "I'm going to stick this up your rear," doesn't make it any more pleasant. 2. OP says nothing about ever having had a girlfriend, and if he did, judging by his reaction to have a teeny tiny cotton swab up his own butt, I don't think he's the type for butt sex. Just making a guess.
CheshireHalli 19
So, his life is not ****** by a damn QTIP. Sorry, this FML (and the one complaining about a prostate exam) irritates me. It's not making your life fuckable because you went to the damn doctor, people!!
a_borshunist 0
Did he at least put his penis in you first?
danohamhead 0
five bucks says he got a hard on jk
randomino1 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA I read Q-Tip and thought you meant like a pool/snooker cue and I was like WHAT?!?!?!?! lol... WOW! Now that would have hurt lol ohwell. Not so bad when you know it's a brand name lol
Monikabug 9
No, I am not her lawyer, and I am not going to ask how you could infer that I was in any way, shape, or form. However, it is not against the law to defend someone who is being attacked via the internet.