Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
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Comments (144)
aeliz 0
This made me giggle. In the buuuttttttttt.
CallMeHush 1
Your butt giggled?
aeliz 0
Hahaha YOU just made me giggle. I literally LOL'd :P. No, my butt didn't giggle... That was meant to be said in the same tone as "she's a hooo, fo sho" from 40 year old virgin :].
jonathangt20 0
you in the hospital? they do that when u go in the hospital to check for viruses
Monikabug 9
The OP's name is Kevin, so therefore I am going to guess it was a prostate exam. So, yes it is pretty common. Get off of Snick's back.
Maygen 5
For those who don't realize, gonorrhea has been known to present in the rectal/anal area. So if OP was going for a regular check-up with an STD screening, a swabbing of the rectal/anal area is totally normal and nothing to be all "OMG FML!!!!" about. And it's hardly 'up' your butt, it's a quick swab and that's it. The doctor probably did a throat and penile swab as well, and the penile swab hurts more than a anal swab. Or so I've heard, being a woman I have no clue what a penile swab would feel like. So OP, YDI for being such a baby about your own sexual health.
lets_be_ian 5
again, I agree if the OP knew this going into the appointment. I don't quite agree that the average Dr should surprise you with "I want to put X in your butt". The post doesn't really make that clear however.
okieraider71 4
Wait till they run a camera up there. Feels like it is going to come out your nose. And then they ask if you want to watch on the monitor. Not even on You Tube!
ktbird 0
Going to have to agree with 53 and 54 here. If your doctor regularly sticks things up your ass you might want to consider switching doctors. Only exception to this is males older than 40, and pretty much all of us don't fall into that category. They didn't do anything like that at my hubby's annual physical, who is 27.
lets_be_ian 5
I have to agree here... If I am at a Dr and he decides to put anything up my ass, the answer is NO!!! Something of that nature is like having bad insurance... requires pre-authorization. i am sorry but I just don't buy the "Well, it is time for your regular check up... let's see what we have to put up your ass today!". I suspect that Dr. if the OP did not know this was part of the visit going in (so to speak:).
lucidlucia 0
I think you have to eat an apple each day. Apple matinis don't count. I think the saying assumes you don't have anal intercourse.
Resquall 0
smartman136 is obviously a troll. He put that "midol" bs on a different fml, as well.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Yeek. Oh god. This FML brings back so many memories. Most of them involving suppositories and a pneumonia shot on the ass. The rest of them are fantasies.....