Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
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Comments (144)
Boddmon 0
Urban Dictionary? 1. A large, brutish creature of European myth, often lacking in intelligence. Sometimes compared to the Japanese oni. 2. A dumbass who makes idiotic posts in message boards newsgroups for the sole purpose of pissing people off, often lacking in intelligence. Sometimes compared to people who pass you by on the sidewalk then grab you in inappropriate places. 1. "AAAAAAHH, it's a troll!" "Protect the women and children! Grab your torches!" 2. "AAAAAAHH, it's a troll!" "****head... we banned him five times and he keeps making new accounts about how he pwns all and that he>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>j00!" I agree though.. I wouldn't say that's what she's doing.
ameonna_fml 0
How is she trolling? Lol. I'm so tired of "Today, I had to take care of my own health. FML" Besides. It's a Q-TIP. Maybe you need to be at the doctor's if something that tiny is such a big deal.
PsychoMerk 0
Couldve been worse ;0 Better than being tested for an STD with a Q-Tip going up your peehole like my friend :0.... who is a guy >_>
KurouTenshi 0
haha yeah, that's what my boyfriend said he was gonna do our first time... ...then I suddenly realized it wasn't a Q-tip. no. no, it wasn't a Q-tip at all...
irritatedone 5
Sounds hot!
CallMeHush 1
Ahhh, hey doc? My ear is blocked at the other end.
smartman136 8
get a ******* life and take a ******* midol bitch
way_to_go 0
Were you getting a rectal swab? lol! Someone has been getting it from the backdoor :p Naughty naughty
colomexparra 0
where do u go to the doctor' s snickerdoodle??? shit i don't “expect" that to happen to me. maybe thats why ur so ****** up.…
your_face 15
"Well, if you're going to a doctor's appointment, you can expect to have that sort of thing happen to you." Really?! One of us is going to the wrong doctor because I generally expect mine to stay OUT of certain orifices.
Marv88 0
BAHAHAHA win