Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML
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Top comments
birds_fml 7
It will if you put the apple up your ass. Then there'll be no room for a qtip.
blaaaaakely 0
just pretend it's Angelina Jolie.
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Comments (144)
lovergirl7 1
I agree with #'s 1and 4
JackDark 0
What's a Q-TIP? Sounds big, and painful.
Monikabug 9
A q-tip! You clean your ears with them... Cotton on the edge of a little, tiny stick... I can't even explain it. It's a Q-tip! Google it. ツ
Lythiaren 8
Also known as a cotton swab. A narrow stick (usually less than 5mm in diameter) with cotton wound around one or both ends. The stick is often made of wood, plastic, or tightly-wound paper. Commonly used to clean one's ears.
aliibaibii 0
I'm pretty sure he knows what a q-tip is, and he's just makin fun of the op
Monikabug 9
Thank you @72. That is a much better explanation then that I had.
Jakel 0
I've never heard of a cotton bud/swab being called a Q-tip, maybe its just an american thing?? (im from the uk)
Monikabug 9
Maybe it is Jakel, I didn't even think about that. Haha, but that is what it is! :)
jazzw92 0
Seriously, can you stop trolling? Get a life. Please.
chux4w 0
That's what you get for marrying a doctor.
iowa3jumpman23 0
what the hell is trolling
Monikabug 9
I'm agreeing with Snick on this one. I don't whine and complain everytime I get a shot or a Pap Smear. You were getting a check-up, for crying out loud.. MAN UP, OP. ツ
Monikabug 9
wrong spotttt.
perdix 31
Did the doctor have both hands on your shoulders when he inserted the "Q-tip?" Hairy needle-dicks need love, too.
katmandont 0
trolling is when you design your response (usually an extreme response) to elicit a response from others It's like 'baiting' I'm not sure that's what she was doing, but...
Monikabug 9
@20, actually Snickerdoodles was NOT trolling, and so this is for you, for using a word that you do not understand, and also for #27 because they asked. The definition of trolling: In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. From now on, please use this word appropiately. Snickerdoodles was speaking in reference to the OP's post and therefore was NOT trolling. YOU, 20, are just another hater.