Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
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Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
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Comments (205)
iChompYa 18
Please just let him go to jail, we don't need his idiocy on our streets
RavenDesired 10
Swag means secretly we are gay.
lexi365 20
Faith in Humanity: -10
Trigabyte 8
Total Faith in Humanity count = -6296001910
MCPRO2014 6
No everybody, it's OK. This is in Canada.
rattusrattus 19
"As a rule, young ragamuffin, one gains 'swag' following a robbery. However I am very pleased that you have decided to show us your 'swag'. I shall allow it as evidence, and thank you for streamlining the court procedure."
katiecf22 2
The fact that you're not acknowledging "swag" as a sound legal defense must mean you're racist. I wonder, how did he get arrested? Could "County Law" not see swag?
laden_swallow09 35
I do hope the judge throws the book at him. Literally.
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Give it a try....
rawr_ily96 24
I sincerely apologize for my doomed generation.
pastywhitekid 10
You should implore the judge to put the death penalty on the table... Darwinism is moving a little too slowly.