Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
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Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
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Comments (205)
Mister_Triangle 21
There is no 'real meaning'. Swag is short for swagger, which is essentially confidence. Swag is also used as a term for items obtained at events such as conventions or concerts. Captain Jack Sparrow had swagger. My ComiCon lanyard was free swag. And now both words have lost all meaning to me because I said them too much.
i_heart_cookies 12
Face palm. Pure face palm.
jd2013 5
I don't always understand Candian or American terminology. In Britain swag is a Victorian term for stolen goods - is that what is meant here? JD
annie_nk 23
It meant that at one point but not in this FML. Although the irony of saying he can get out of a robbery because of all his swag is quite hilarious.
TheBrochure 22
#56 - Short for swagger, incredibly annoying slang term to recently become widely popular, mocked, and ironically used.
qr_fml 21
What a dumb f*ck
pattayarick 8
That swag will get him a nice boyfriends in prison. He'll be everybody's bitch.
Neyuu 18
Thank you, 52. I'm really sick of people making up meanings, as well as turning "gay" into an insult.
simsgirlgem 25
And then the Judge said guilty by reason of dumb assery
CommonSenseKarma 17
Is your client 12?
SAgirl 23
more like 6
Soloman212 28
Uh the gay thing seems kind of unrelated... I don't think there's any mistake for what "gay" means when it's used as an insult. Not that I agree with its use as a derogatory term, but you kind of pinned it to an unrelated argument.
Grand_Cookie 21
KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!! This imbecile has probably already procreated though...
Grand_Cookie 21
I don't know. It seems like being stupid is a prerequisite for sex with this dude.
Steffi 26
No smart women would have sex with a guy like that.