Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
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Comments (164)
Glitterhinoceros 14
You're defending her, do all the talking and tape her mouth shut or something. That doesn't look suspicious at all.
nado13579 12
Just do your best to defend her, OP.
iNewKid 20
Guilty conscience
muzy 23
I pretty much aggression with what #1 said. Also, if they accuse you of anything OP just say " I never broke the law! I am the law!"
jtthegr8 26
Suspicious would be hypnotizing her to talk like a robot and make sure she doesn't say anything stupid e.o
muzy 23
edit: agree. God damn the inventor of predictive texts !!!!
uJelly24 1
When you say love you mean love love or she's my client love?
fromthesuck 8
Wait isn't this an episode of Boston legal?
RaggleFrock 13
A lawyer with a guilty conscience.... What kind of sorcery is this?
HassanImran 0
d
skullofdarkness 18
Nahh, just give her some Elmer's "lip gloss" and you should be good. Just make sure it's non-toxic.
nado13579 12
46- You pretty much aggression?
ohSNAPyall 27
Then advise her as you would another client. If she's not going to win, maybe you can negotiate a plea on her behalf.
xRBKCrOsBy87x 0
**** Ovechkin! Long live Crosby! Teehee c:
BassGirl 5
Do you regularly fall in love with guilty clients? Or is she a special case?
olpally 33
You should just defend her op, and do your job to the fullest extent of the law... You may love her, but is she worth it? Fyl buddy
esines 9
Maybe it's his good friend he loves or girlfriend or wife?
Zomg_Okay 27
35 - That's unlikely from the wording of the FML.
foreverhurt 6
2 — She's innocent until proven guilty.
GODert 8
Especially in Norway, has anyone seen the trial of the guy who killed those 66 people to stop Muslims coming into Europe?
MysticKnight 3
74 - you are guilty until proven innocent you noob
cheetahbaby96 8
109- You sir, are an idiot.
mpsteve137 15
Life isn't that hard bassgirl
starbucksguy 16
109 kind of has a point, as a law was passed in Norway recently stating that for hate crimes, Norwegians are guilty until proven innocent. This, however, is not a hate crime so 109 is wrong. Noob.
esines 9
How does the wording make it unlikely?
Zomg_Okay 27
"and the first person I've loved in years" I doubt it's a good friend because that sentence implies romantic love, not friends love. It's also unlikely to be a wife or girlfriend because the sentence also implies is he fell in love with the accused recently.
Sniper3000 0
Do what your conscience says.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Judging from the thumbs, I'm guessing people don't think op(a lawyer) has a conscience. Either that, or I'm missing something. I'm probably missing something.
frokeyman92 9
Us men don't have a conscious.. Just a penis
THE_A_TEEN 28
I'm a guy, and I have a conscience. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?!
psuedodragon 23
I think its more a case of people saying a lawyer's conscience can't get in the way of doing their job. If you're hired to defend somebody you defend them to the best of your ability, within the limits of the law....because truthfully, the law has nothing to do with your conscience and everything to do with arbitrary legal paramaters for acceptable societal behaviour.
bitter3ulogy 0
#48 A real man
Sniper3000 0
29 I think you're missing something cuz I'm a guy and I have a conscience
Penguin1942 0
Lol why the thumbs down?
raiganator 10
Because **** you, thats why.
downtime 13
63, That's only if you accept that paradigm. Many of us put our own sense of morality above the law, and while this would make someone technically a bad lawyer, it does make them a good person - which is a far greater thing to be. Best legal practice =/= best practice.
smileypoop 2
48- gay...
frokeyman92 9
Less of a man haha
asdaasdaasda 1
Well, at least your being professional- oh no wait...
Calyx_fml 22
It's spelled yorr.
muzy 23
39- That's what happens when you try to correct someone in a haste. Epic fail.
DocBastard 40
No muzy, that's what happens when Calyx says something entirely sarcastic and it goes over your head.
muzy 23
Really ? and here I was thinking that they were genuinely trying to correct #4. Sarcasm is very difficult to pick up over the internet :/
Rosado 0
62 - No, not really.
GoDieRetard 0
You must be a shitty lawyer, you know you have a conflict of interest in this case you numbskull
syki 22
Actually, no. A judge or juror would, but a lawyer is supposed to want his client to win anyway. Hence why spouses, friends, and family members often represent each other. Numbskull.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Just look at they guy's username. Obviously he's not going to learn and will still insult people like OP without proper knowledge.
PawnShopPenguin 4
just tell the jury she is insane and has no clue what she is talking about!
ganjaranja 10
Yea, cuz that sure would make the jury real eager to acquit her.
dc4 12
The insanity defense for perjury?
ladyLALAA 29
They need to get BD Wong from Law and Order and work on a good psyche defense!
GPAW 4
Sounds like conflict of interest
ebonyirony 29
Romaine?
omg36 7
Sounds like a damn good chick flick
muzy 23
whatever you do op make sure you say "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" you'll definetly win !
muzy 23
definitely*
GracesDelirium 9
Be careful with falling in love...it can cause problems.
skoob1 12
Bitch please (avatar^)
Daiyuki 5
Trollgirl knows best
torch433 1
dang tht sux :/ FYL
ajeyness 10
Great spelling! Oh wait no.
torch433 1
sorry
navik23 6
Really? It should be an FML or something.
KriiFahMoro 9
What goes through people's minds when they post idiotic comments like this? You'd think they would already know that it's on FML for a reason...