Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was sole witness to an armed robbery. The police farted around so much while not letting me leave until they took my statement that I missed my own fucking wedding. I was in my suit, and literally begging to be allowed to leave. One even joked he was probably doing me a big favour. FML
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML
Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
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Top comments
Corrupt_waffles 13
And this is why, as a forensic scientist, I hate it when courts use eyewitnesses.....it's upsetting. Really. Just tell the courts that you no longer can remember what happened. Don't make crap up and say you still do. That's when innocent people are convicted.
alphaskater09 9
Say what happened in your dream and hopefully get to go to a mental institution and play in the foam room :D
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Comments (102)
EvilPotato 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Start making shit up. That'll confuse everyone!
Mideoyeo 12
Yes, because making stuff up in court can NEVER lead towards the person to be charged or arrested.
Mideoyeo 12
Yes, because making stuff up in court can NEVER lead to being charged or arrested. Not to mention totally screwing the case over.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Oh yes, cause perjury is definitely the way to go!
DynamicDave 11
Mmm, I love the smell of perjury in the morning. Totally legit.
xcarxcrashx 9
Don't the police usually take a statement right when it happens to avoid this exact scenario?
Fezla 0
all gingers are disgraceful creatures who should be sterilised
Fezla 0
I'm gay
axelrave 3
It's this guys damn fault... He should have written it all down.
HighGTurn 12
1, You're a complete moron.
dreaaathomas 0
Since we all want a mistrial...
joeyl1990 28
Yet another example of how people on FML can't take a joke. No one in their right mind would believe the commenter really wanted the op to make stuff up yet that's apparently how people took it.
alphaskater09 9
Say what happened in your dream and hopefully get to go to a mental institution and play in the foam room :D
HerpYourDerp 7
...that might be a little excessive.
alphaskater09 9
Well it depends how "wacky" the dream was.
abouttosleep 5
It won't be more than the color of this car
alphaskater09 9
Pink is sexy so back off the Enzo bro!
ScaughtieHolden 11
"When we saw the robbers we also heard some music like 'nanuh nanuh nanuh' then there was a shitton of flying monkeys!"
BitchPlease18 6
Are you sure it was a dream?
blcksocks 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's really messed up if you can't differentiate between dreams and reality. Unless your dream includes fast cars and hot chicas.
zachherbert 10
Or they include being Batman. If you have the opportunity to be Batman. ALWAYS be Batman.
blcksocks 19
Thanks to Heath ledger, I prefer being the joker.
Ameel_fml 19
I guess it on what sort of dreamer the OP is. My dreams are always pretty vivid and realistic (I never have those super crazy dreams that a lot of people seem to have), so days later I might remember a conversation I had in a dream or something mundane like that, and will think to myself "wait, did that actually happen?"
Rommel1942 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
America's justice system sucks anyways. Who cares. Lmao.
HungerGames95 13
Ummm... No.
Awahso 25
Well, as an American I care.
reallytho3 11
And someone's life is on the line so I would hope somebody cared...
starwind3438 9
I would make an insult about but I'm not going to stoop down to your level.
Rocky007 15
The parts with the giant bullfrogs, space aliens, and exploding heads is from your dream. The rest is real.
MandyMeow_fml 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I guess you figured out who your moms favorite sibling is.. But I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope things get better for you. Sisters can be crazy
lancesky 7
Someone is new at using technology
MandyMeow_fml 18
Oh, no it was just a mistake. I'm sorry just ignore my comment.
bjf10 22
WELCOME TO THE INTERWEBS. Your tinfoil hat will arrive in 3-5 weeks.
Corrupt_waffles 13
And this is why, as a forensic scientist, I hate it when courts use eyewitnesses.....it's upsetting. Really. Just tell the courts that you no longer can remember what happened. Don't make crap up and say you still do. That's when innocent people are convicted.
Horned_Melon 6
Not on the OP topic, but how is it as a forensic scientist? I plan on joining that career path as well.
JRFaceless 8
Don't you just hate when you can't tell your dreams from reality?
hockeyoceancity 13
Not all the time haha. :p
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Inception = Hell
KushTreats 21
One time I had a dream that I had a wife and she died so I buried her in my backyard and put down a gravestone. When I woke up I walked to my backyard to give her flowers. I then saw nothing there and realized she's does not exist.
klimp5488 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You sound like an idiot to me.
SevenMillionTons 4
Says the pot.
rotflqtms_ 21
Calling the kettle black.
Sleepy_Hallow 7
Find a top and spin it. If it keeps spinning, you are dreaming. If it stops, its reality.
Mearemoi 14
Inception! :D
MrMassive 0
No shit Sherlock.