Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
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Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
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Comments (205)
Patriots21 14
Swag fags
ilovera 7
Make sure he isn't planning on paying you by letting you spent time with his swag
thelastavailable 13
I remember when 'swag' used to mean the same thing as 'loot', so yeh, I guess it's not a robbery if you don't end up with some swag.
michaelm1290 23
You should let your client say this to the judge himself, then maybe the judge will issue him insane, and let him go..
Poppy8127 15
Tell him/her swag stands for Secretly We Are Gay.
ileenefudge 29
Why would you say that? A lot of gay people I know are really nice and fun to be around.
d4m4s74 12
They have enough self respect to come out of the closet instead of hiding behind swag. So it's not an insult to them.
Angel_of_Night 10
I bet he walks around in a SnapBack and sagging pants, too. OP, I feel for you.
gunnerblaster 21
Yeah... Idiots like that need to do time in jail. The common citizen needs to be protected from such a copious amount of stupid.
nix1993 41
Oh the humanity!
LadyNatasha 4
I think I lost a few IQ points reading this.
BionicSasuage 6
Please do a follow-up?