Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
Today, I found out the off-duty cop who beat my face in front of a dozen witnesses was wasn’t even charged with assault. I have court in two weeks. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
Today, I went to court because I got a traffic ticket for running a red light. While I was in court, I found out it was actually for a car I had sold years ago. FML
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
Today, I went to school wearing the same jacket I had gone hiking in the previous day. When I found out that I had left my 2" pocket knife in the pocket I immediately turned it in to the front office. They promptly had me arrested for bringing a weapon on campus. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said, "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML
Today, in court, I got a kid out of a prison sentence because I genuinely believed he was innocent. He and his mom were so happy, he even hugged me afterwards. It took me a minute to realise he'd pick-pocketed my keys and stole my car. FML
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Top comments
twinny_sc 13
You, sir, are a **** up.
jerome1995 4
Smooth.
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Comments (143)
jerome1995 4
Smooth.
WCARlover 35
More like "sharp" ;p
HeavyScout 0
Like Cherry Dr. Pepper?
whymee55 6
A smooth criminal?
elmogoezRAWR 0
Like a baby's bottom
nixter5 18
It takes eleventy seven thousand ounces of smooth to make a stone throne...jealous?
Mpsteve13 7
damn, life hates you. good luck man!
slick5880 22
Don't drop the soap. Words to live by for the next few years.
yougotapes 7
Why would he forget a switchblade...ydi op
mstarxo23 2
Sounds like karma. What did you do OP??
zbajis 7
Who keeps a switchblade in their shoe? It'd be hard to grab in a self defense situation if that's what it was for.
laneylovesu2 3
You would think that would be uncomfortable enough to remember... and if you had half a brain you would be smart enough to remove any weapons from your possession BEFORE a court appearance! FYL hard.
Driveshaft 5
Sounds like you're a jackass, ydi
shannonreneee 11
21, he's going to be feeling a lot more uncomfortable in jail ;)
gyroballer 0
I see your point OP
eminemchick 19
^well this is called ass rape, and we shootin the jail scene;)
L3Paparazzo 7
Is OP on Fml from a prison's computer ?
Keyman1212 14
You ******* deserved this.
Jaimegirl 7
He was in court because he went to the airport forgetting a switchblade was in his shoe... haha
tjv3 10
wow you are a real winner, and I bet you are a great contributing productive member of society....
mgsoloist 14
Your butthole: o . Your butthole in jail: O
themacuser 0
tacknive that ************ up
Babydoll4ever 7
Why..? YDI for being unaware of what you keep near your feet
Lanceeden 12
Trying to be Maxwell smart, eh? Attending the element of SURPRI-oh
Lanceeden 12
attempting*
IndiRae 9
Who said he was a pedophile? Good job on the correct da and nuns though.
IndiRae 9
Ugh. Wrong comment.
chris71sk8r 8
51- You hate Final Destination movies to!?! Marry me! I just kid! Kind of.
xgirlofglassx 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How did you still have a switchblade in your shoe if you weren't a free man in the first place?
brianjman14 23
BWAHAHAHAHA, "2+2= you're an idiot." That was hilarious.
ILoveEggnog 7
There are far better places to conceal a knife my friend.
IndiRae 9
Where where in your derrière!
randomlettrrs 8
i tape mine to my penis
elmogoezRAWR 0
Must be a small knife.
FredTheAlmighty 0
I laughed so hard at that :D
Eggploint 7
I keep mine inside.
Angel_Vice 0
Wouldn't that be kind of uncomfortable?
Capt_Oblivious 10
Dumbass. Weapons are to be hidden in body orifices, all criminals know that.
chickenfriedCG 0
Pretty soon, other things will be occupying his orifices. good luck as a prison bitch op.
plebeianFelix 5
a switchblade is never "accidentally" tucked into a shoe. next you'll have us believe that "forgot" that chambered round, and "just didn't get around to" putting your weapon on safety.
hobojones 0
Take note that the word "Accidentally was never in the post, next you'll have us beliving words are in the post that where never really there! Idiot
twinny_sc 13
You, sir, are a **** up.
socialdisease 1
Smooth criminal?
elmogoezRAWR 0
Dun dun da da dun dun da da dun dun da da dun dun, you've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth pedophile. Dun dun da da dun dun
evig_fml 16
Really to much work for a tasteless joke :-/
DippinGrizzly907 27
*too