Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
Sir_ND_Pity 35
I say let him try it. He'll see how far his swag will take him. Life lessons.
spaboolly 26
I'm sure it will get him far in prison. With the inmates looking for a... good time.
Sir_ND_Pity 35
11 - And I'm sure prison will go far into him!
SexySlayer1248 18
What would be sad is if the client is in their 40's or 50's
msworldwide 8
that guy should be convicted for two crimes: robbery and the use of the word "Swag"
masterofflight 8
yeah, in prison he will learn not to drop the soap
isallwaysme 27
i wouldn't let him try it. the lawyers winning percentage would most definitely go down. and so would the robber if you get what i mean
fareith 15
He probably stole the swag from me in the first place
Christala 8
"swag" should have only one usage: promotional loot acquired at conventions and tradeshows. ie "Check out all the swag I brought home from CES!!!!"
rawr_ily96 24
I apologize for my generation's behavior. Now... Who wants to go throw rocks at swaggots?
slimjim8094 12
Why is rape a horrible thing unless it happens to guys in prisons?
jjmiller1001 17
b/c most of the time when it happens to a guy in prison, they usually deserve a much worse fate
fareith 15
#113 - You are so ignorant. Plenty of people are in jail for other things. Not everyone is a rapist and murderer. Shame on you.
Azail 15
Not rocks throw grenades..
doubleddun 9
Yeah but the guy would obviously be charged guilty and that would go on ops record.
Laurenluvz 11
I have to agree with 120. From murder, or robbing... Dressing like a "****" or flirting with people (I'm aware it's most likely a guy) No one deserves to be raped. Wishing or doing such a thing regardless of how terrible a person is just terrible. It shouldn't matter where someone is or their condition, Absolutely no one should be put through such things. He committed a crime. Jail is good enough. But wishing rape upon someone is not fair or okay. I don't care really if I get downvoted for my lack of sense, grammar, or if people disagree, just speaking my opinion.
purpl3fac371 5
An eye for an eye leaves everyone half blind. :/
RoboCunnilingus 23
I thought it left everyone blind except for one guy. He's a cyclops now.
alice_18 16
Then they won't be in the same security level prison as the people who do deserve a fate much worse.
BananaDildo 1
McDonalds is now accepting graduates from Swag University. Maybe he'll get in.
PhotoSmith 25
No, even McDonald's has standards.
soccerstar1996 18
I definitely think it's called BallSoHard University
mkid232 15
I work at McDonalds, and we wouldn't hire this moron.
Catkam623 27
Fyl^
mkid232 15
Yes, fml for having a job that I enjoy. >.>
erin1994 9
Well.. At least you're getting paid!
annie_nk 23
Hopefully not in swag.
yesyesnonono 10
Probably not much. You think this dumbass has a job? I'm thinking OP is a court-appointed lawyer if he's defending someone who has "swag"
mackdeezy 22
What a ********. OP I give you credit for seeing this through.
friedpwnadge 25
It's a ******* captioned picture from the Internet, turned into a ******* FML, OPs have reached new lows.
ananas99_fml 10
Strange client..
Tpracingkg 15
Not strange. He's stupid that's what he is.
TwitchingNebula 17
I'd say you've now got a good case for the insanity defense at this point.
heresIsaac 4
Hahah well said
xALEXx_fml 15
Do what he says, your getting paid!
TwitchingNebula 17
You're*
xALEXx_fml 15
Haha ohwell. But thanks for the correction #12
cieloalicia 16
How about having dignity?
Iknoweverything 29
Right... because OP totally went to law school to defend swag... Not to mention, if OP's a public defender, he's probably making next to nothing compared to law school debt.
RodzillaX 30
Kill it with fire!
Azail 15
I imagine the judge would hand down the death penalty for that defense
TwitchingNebula 17
Or tell him the real meaning and let him say that and walk around prison with his pants sagging. I'm sure that shit will get cleared up real quick.
MiscHats 14
i'd love to see the judge's reaction if that defense was used
lisslyi 19
The judge might be too old to understand what "swag" means lol.
jessi_sunshine 26
I'm sure the look on the judge's face could easily be summed up with, "You've got to be ******* kidding me." And the attorney's subsequent suspension.
Ladisa 28
#14 - Maybe they would look similar to your picture?