Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML
Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML
Today, in court, I got a kid out of a prison sentence because I genuinely believed he was innocent. He and his mom were so happy, he even hugged me afterwards. It took me a minute to realise he'd pick-pocketed my keys and stole my car. FML
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Top comments
kelsorg 21
well, if you're good at your job you can prove him wrong! fyl
cakefete2 31
Well, at least you're familiar with the case. You should be able to defend yourself easily.
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Comments (83)
kelsorg 21
well, if you're good at your job you can prove him wrong! fyl
friedpwnadge 25
Great support for an insanity defense!
Danny_Boy12 13
I feel for you OP, my dad tells me crazy stories of the people he has to defend in court. It must be a headache for you...
RedPillSucks 33
Unfortunately, #12, you can be disbarred for purposefully not defending your client.
BSnapZ 21
#50 If he's a court appointed lawyer, then the client won't be paying anything.
Miss_Whipped 43
Reminds me of a joke that explains why there's a code of ethics against sexual relations between lawyers and their clients: you'd be paying extra for essentially the same service.
cakefete2 31
Well, at least you're familiar with the case. You should be able to defend yourself easily.
ChristianH39 30
Exactly, I wonder what makes the defendant think that would work against a lawyer in the first place
lexiieeex3 32
The guy sounds like a sociopath...
domolovesyoshi 33
except most sociopaths are better at it than this idiot
cina5 19
Hey OP, I doubt the judge believed him.
fsomelife 26
Not to worry -- he's next to be accused by the dude whom OP's defending.
DrippingSarcasm 20
Wait, so what happens in this case? Is it automatically ignored or do you end up... questioned, or whatever might happen? Sorry. I know it's a stupid question.
tiernang 21
I don't think he would be allowed to be a lawer on that case, and would then become a suspect. No matter how stupid the blame, I believe those are the rules.
ThatHorse 15
You're right 40. No matter how stupid and insane he sounds, the lawyer is now a suspect in the case. At which point they'll stop the trial long enough to start looking for evidence, questioning both the lawyer and the suspect, and find a new lawyer.
DrippingSarcasm 20
Wow! Thank you :)
World_Burner 13
Well the lawyer could defend himself.
Metagame 12
As a new suspect.
amberr_harperr 15
some people are just meant to be crazy
746278Ab 14
That sucks! I'm sorry OP.... Dump him and remember evidence tells the whole story...
Shemp_5 14
He's a snitch! You know what to do OP.
junkman6 22
I've played saints row before. The lawyer came up with the most profitable heists. Damn blood suckers.
Kamon97 23
Well at least you're a lawyer for a living that's a plus I think?
Saddyohh 13
The only way to win when up against someone who is crazy is to be crazier than they are.
Animekid126 13
Like that comedian who had the skit of yelling at a crazy guy in an elevator? I can't remember his name...
PenguinBitch 44
This proves that your client is a psychopath. Case close!