Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
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Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
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Comments (138)
BiggChieff14 1
Haaah!Were a Big Old Persons Diaper, and Let Everything. Flow outta Your Ass. BAHAHA.
ikickgingers 15
Wow. What An Awesome Suggestion. :/
DocBastard 40
*inputs comment into Idiot-English Translation Engine* *whirr* *click* *bzzzzzz* *DING!* "Haha! Wear an old person's diaper and let everything flow out of your ass. I use capital letters and random punctuation unnecessarily! Haha!" Much better.
ikickgingers 15
Have you read 33's profile? No? How about you choke on a bowl of dicks, bro.
ikickgingers 15
Unless you were calling 33 a fucktard which after I commented I realized you were. You may ignore the bowl of dicks comment, Sir.
kimmeyrolle 4
Wear an adult dapper
graham11 14
Dapper? Where's that sold?
laxmtl28 6
putt a cork in it problem solved bro
AttitudeMel 4
dont need to go to a doctor for a stomach flu...
nelliednt 6
The doc can't do much for the flu anyhow since its a virus take some pepto and wait it out. That's as good as it gets
Courtney_Sanders 6
Does your doctor do house calls? You should probably check. Otherwise you might just have to wear some depends.
leadman1989 16
Where's doc when you need him?
ayooBrandon 12
Just stay in the bathroom, no ?
unagi_fml 9
Just add a pinch of salt to every cup of water you drink to stop yourself from dehydrating-- that's pretty much what your doc will prescribe anyway.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
No, salt makes you thirstier and just makes you drink more.
yourlifesfucked 0
The salt is to replenish electrolytes lost from the diarrhea to prevent dehydration. Sodium helps your body retain water. Drinking a lot of water without replenishing electrolytes isn't going to help your situation, in fact that's how people die of water toxicity. Look it up.
xSorry_fml 10
Avoid eating really spicy food at times like this.