Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML
Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
Sit on the toilet with a bucket or trash can in front of you...?
dthindd 17
Just use a bucket in front of you so you don't have to clean up any puke!! Best way to go. (Line the bucket or bowl or whatever with a garbage bag so u can easily throw it out)☺️☺️ hope you feel better soon!!
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Comments (186)
michaelaranda 28
That really sucks op. Hopefully you will feel better soon. :)
kmaheynoway 25
I don't think it sucks. I think it more so blows. Chunks.
PleaseTickleUs 7
I use those plastic icrecream pails when im sick. There light and not to big.
tayymeds 23
always chose to sit, and then puke in a bag (leave some in there). that's what I did when I had it
TheNiceOne 20
Then the whole bathroom starts to smell like funk. :D
Marcella1016 32
Sit on the toilet with a bucket or trash can in front of you...?
bahamit 18
Investment idea for when no longer sick; vomit pail for the bathroom. No bathroom is complete without one didn't you know, perfect for those blackout drunk nights as well.
fortune789 17
OP needs a shitbucket. Because when you're in the bathroom you ain't playing battlefield.
tygerarmy 35
Or a good sink right next to the toilet.
Kailayla 29
That's what I did when I had the stomach flu. Sit on the loo with a bucket on my lap. Worked out great.
xxjohndoexx9 10
I agree. I think OP deserved it because they didn't figure that out after 5 hours of the messy process. Good call.
Crypticedge 6
Sit on toilet, lean over tub
LostInTheZone11 29
They exist. They are those large basins you get as a hospital patient. They're great for vomit, soaking your feet, and storage. I gave one to my roommate's friend once in case he had to puke.
Dmc169 9
Love the reference
Flyndaran 10
I rarely get sick, but even I know the wonders of the vomit bucket.
Miss_Blondie44 22
That's what I was going to say! You can do 2 things at once.
dennado 14
That's what I do!
incoherentrmblr 22
Problem solved. Don't forget to either open up the window or turn the exhaust fan on...
Cloudshaper 5
A large mixing bowl that is dishwasher safe also works. Keep it on the bathroom counter, sit on the loo and yerk in the bowl. Also good for putting next to the bed in the night for surprises.
sleepyglowstar 32
Why has this got so many thumbs down. Is there something wrong with puking in a sink?
Denny1988 19
that's what I always do when in doubt
doumtabarnack 12
You beat me to it!
JustStella 28
#146: Puking in the sink can clog up the sink in my experience. Also, that might not be an option in many bathrooms unless he's Mr. Fantastic.
TheAspieDork 27
And a roll of trash bags in case there's a lot of vomit.
dthindd 17
Just use a bucket in front of you so you don't have to clean up any puke!! Best way to go. (Line the bucket or bowl or whatever with a garbage bag so u can easily throw it out)☺️☺️ hope you feel better soon!!
Frillwee95 12
Or he could use the tub...yea...jus sittin' n shittin'...flawless
DataWog 30
Ewwww, that's just.... NASTY.... just pour it into the toilet and rinse out the bowl. Do people actually do this? Why on earth would anyone prefer to use a plastic bag? That's gross on so many levels. Just dump it out and be done with it! You put it in a bag, the bag could have/develop a hole and all of a sudden you've got puke dripping all over your floor. And even if it holds together, then you're putting a bag full of puke in the garbage so that next time you take it out, you have a garbage bag full of puke sacks that could leak all the way to the curb. Disgusting.
cassiebucaro99 12
I once used a plastic bag because It was the only things around... Worst mistake ever. The bag was double lined and both bags had a hole in them ???
appletreee 30
Why not just sit on the toilet and then throw up in a garbage can?
taybear0 14
OP is a male, and i have run into the problem quite a few times that guys don't have garbage cans in their restrooms. its ridiculus, but fairly common
DataWog 30
True. And if they do have a garbage can, they're like me; it's just a wire mesh wastebasket for collecting empty toilet rolls. Completely useless for puke unless you have a sudden urge to strain out the solids.
itztaychickaa 12
Get a trashcan wtf
permannator 10
I feel like this is the Russian roulette of being sick
ezio416 6
I personally would rather clean vomit than feces. Feel better OP! And get a trash can! :)
ihartmytdi 23
Time to pick the tub and cover both bases ;D Or just do what a sensible person would do and sit on the toilet with a bucket in hand.
onlychildFTW 34
Or he could just wear diapers. Lol. That takes care of the Backdoor leaving the toilet for the front. XD. Lol.
19990231 29
I would have said if your sink is close enough just use that. Wash down the bile after.
hikari89 13
If you don't have a bucket, sit on the toilet and puke in the tub/shower.
AnimeFan28 21
Not all bathrooms have a toilet in them. Many are in fact separate in its own small room. Would definitely advise op to get a bucket or ask someone to go get one for them