Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
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Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
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Comments (138)
lmaoatall 6
Atleast you have a 30 second window. When your ass explodes without warning, that's a shitty situation. Expecially in public. Waiting in line at the pharmacy. At walmart. Not that has ever happened to me or anything....
graham11 14
Clean up on aisle 3!!
rattusrattus 19
Some services do a phone medical help thing for minor issues and concerns (sniffles, the trots, sprained ankle) so you could call them and get help. I'd recommend keeping your fluids up. Dehydration will only make an already shitty situation even worse.
BrotherTheo 31
The Odds are your dr won't be able to actually *do* much for you in this case, and you actually could try calling your dr and explaining the situation and seeing what they say. Also, eventually, if you don't continue to eat...you'll stop going....They may reccomend someone brings you some immodum or something but the odds are you're just gonna have to take fluids and ride it out, Sorry OP :(.
sommerfly9 0
He's right... No meds will help because they'll exit as fast as they go in ... You just have to continue drinking fluids! Good luck!
southernbelle_rn 16
Yea, I just had the same thing about a day or two ago. I didn't go to a doctor, but I know how to take care of myself, lol. Try to stick to fluids (nothing red) and crackers for about 24 hours. After that try to gradually move your way onto solid foods. You don't want to take anything to stop it, it's best to let it go on out naturally instead of just sitting in your stomach. It sucks, but I hope you feel better!
blueknight1st 26
Who goes to the doctor for the flu? That's a waste of time and money.
Epikouros 32
You're right. It's not just a waste of time and money, it's also the most effective way to spread the infection to other patients. During the Mexican pig flu panic, people in my country were explicitly warned not to visit a doctor but to call for advice if they suspected the had the flu.
kaykay20 0
If they are dehydrated from having diarrhea for more then a week and no amount of water is helping then seeing a doctor is highly recommended. They do save people's life's and a spread of a highly dangerous/contagious disease is not likely to happen if they take the right precautions and aren't filled to the rim with people.
every1luvsboners 11
Tape a bucket to your ass, then put on a spandex suit so it stays in place. You will always have a comfortable place to sit, and shit.
wegetrz 14
Since when is sitting on an open bucket comfy?
griffin2020 4
Pepto Bismol or Immodium. And drink lots and lots of fluids.
FYLDeep 26
I'd recommend simply waiting it out. What's a doctor supposed to do for you anyway? Just give it some time.
perdix 31
Why waste everybody's time and shit in your car? Take up residence on your toilet and let the shit fly. If this continues for more than 2-3 days, then go seek medical treatment. By then, your colon should be pretty empty so you could probably make it with ease.
mhayes119_fml 0
You got in some deep Shit!!
Enslaved 38
There's not much a doctor could do for you anyways. Stomach flus just need to run its corse. Drink plenty of fluids to flush the bug out of your system and get lots and lots of rest. Feel better soon. (: