Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
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Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
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Comments (138)
Okayitwasme 0
Starve a bug, nurse a flu! Don't eat anything with sugar or that will turn into sugar. Rice crackers and DIET ginger ale. Diet because there is no sugar. Don't go to the dr unless you are crapping blood! Or if you have the craps for more than 3 days!
nastyness 0
Brat diet. Bananas, rice, apples and toast. Pedialyte works, but it tastes like sweat..feel better!
ally726 2
Shot of apple cider vinegar! Little gross but works!
takrushi 4
Shitiest. Game. Show. Ever. Pun is so intended.
LoveMay 10
You could call a doctor to house
DrMaverickRanger 4
I get pretty pissed with people who come into the ER (especially at crazy hours of the night) with nothing more than the flu or a tummy bug. OP - all you need is immodium, and to drink lots of water (and rehydration solution after each loose stool). If the diarrhea is persisting for more than a few days, has blood in it, you begin to vomit and can no longer tolerate fluids, or you develop a high fever or evidence of severe dehydration (cool hands and feet with weak pulses, infrequent passing if concentrated urine, drowsiness or fits), you should go to the doctor, but otherwise ride it out, it should be better in a day or so.
zephyrum 0
Funny how I can relate since I'm in class clutching my stomach from the pain xD
Donniehw 5
Eat a balls load of cheese and gun it to docs!!!
zander4310 5
what the shit really
Stoneyyay 5
depends. lol theyre great for messy situations... but then again, it depends on if u have depends or not...