Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
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Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
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Comments (138)
krad204 21
First, Scientology is awesome, I kill kittens
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
m0tl3ycru3 0
Good idea but has spare adult diapers laying around?
boofgall 16
Shopping bag and tape. Get creative!
natskie 7
If OP has friends he could get someone to buy some diapers. Or just tough it out!
evamusical 12
It will be over in a day, u dont need a doctor
kbtoyz69 9
xlax might make it go through faster?...maybe
zebraface123 6
give the doctor a house call
graham11 14
Go on google maps to find the quickest route to the doctor. And then make sure to check the box next to "avoid shitty situations"
omgcookeys 15
Or wear the "sumo pee blocker" from smosh. :P
Fudgeblocks 2
I was thinking the op should sit on the toilet for 24 hours and call the doctor for help add a tv, laptop, phone into the bathroom and it will be all good.
skinflint 6
#31: that's hilarious!
ATSViper 15
Asses of fire, your ass would have a movie made after it if you took xlax while having the stomach flu...bad idea.
ifinsane 6
Why don't you just wait it out you big pussy.
theblackishkid1 6
This guy has the right idea
Prolux_fml 23
You could go through all of that trouble, or you could just wait it out for a day. You're not going to die, are you?
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
stephan18 23
Dude I swear to god I saw that guy in your pic yesterday, he had same clothes he kept looking at me and when he got off the subway he leaned against the door, did a twist and blew me a kiss, which is weird cuz I'm a guy.
Bourne_ 5
Seriously??
Fruit_Dealer 9
Couldn't help but notice that saying "by fear" instead of "for fear" would be much better.
hobosapien081 10
krad24 fails at life for the "first" comment... hope you get well soon OP and don't forget to hydrate
KateWesley44 0
what a crappy situation. (it had to be said!)
jackassiddy 8
Did it?..
murdersquirrel 15
Nope
Michael_92 20
Someone had to do it haha
Marcella1016 32
I clicked comments just to see if someone would do it lol
Donniehw 5
If only you were single... *sigh* you're very pretty though! Your bf is lucky...
KateWesley44 0
um, me?
krad204 21
Some doctors do house calls
The_Great_Zucchi 15
In civilised places almost all doctors make housecalls...
xiaoxaio 5
who needs doctors iv gotten stomach flu before and never went to the doctors.. *******
ImBobo_fml 0
why don't you ask the doctor to come to you..?
uprising_fml 0
that sounds awful . sorry OP, stomach illnesses are the worst . maybe you could wait until the storm is over? (even if it is briefly) but you should call someone to come over . I know you're just taking *****, but if you start throwing up, it will be nice to have someone .
Exeggcute 5
I completely agree I have these awful ***** all the time!
wriptidez 0
wear adult diaaper or if your female shift a kotex pad towards that end of buisness. both sexes could opt adult diaper though.
jackassiddy 8
It seems as though this is standard protocol for you..
YungG16 0
Stupid ass comment
Donniehw 5
Funny thing is... Yours is a "stupid ass comment" think before you speak prick....
Donniehw 5
Btw that last comment was to #124....
Badab1ng 5
Line your car with garbage bags, then let the green apple nasties commence! Easy clean up, plus the car ride will be filled with the sweet feeling of relief.
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
I jus got that picture in my head ._.