Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
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Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
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Comments (138)
thetoiletpaper 3
*facepalm* just call him/her to come to your house...
crazyaces89 7
Wtf is a dr gonna do abt u havin the stomach bug? U just gotta wait it out
hobojo69 23
To bad they don't do house calls fyl
Dothewiggleyeah 0
Bummer :/
ymhbuckshot 0
Why would you go to the doctor if you know what you have? That's just stupid.
nateiztite 5
at least its shit and not throwing up cause I had the stomach flu and kept throwing up. id trade spots with you.
dhiran_singh 16
Add sum exlax to your drink hahahahahaha
FlonkertonChamp 6
why go to the doctor? gastroenteritis will go away on its own. all a doctor is going to to is tell you to rest, drink lots of fluids, and slap you with a bill. stay home and take some immodium and eat some rice.
Joanlysn 0
That's what depends are for
amp1375 0
Eat bananas and apples. And drink like sprite and powerade, don't drink milk. I had it last week and it sucked.