Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Wear a diaper and drive as fast as u can
Fruit_Dealer 9
I'm sure certain fruits will help. Let me check in my collection.. Hmmm not that.. This could do. Here, try a few bananas.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (138)
fernclogger 5
Apparently 51 people think it's your fault for being sick? Haha
DocBastard 40
Everyone else has it right - go to your doctor when you don't risk spreading your plague to the general public. Drink fluids to stay hydrated (it won't "flush it out of your system" - that's a myth), and wait it out. If you develop fevers or severe abdominal pain, go to the ER as those could be signs of a serious infection. And make sure to wash your hands thoroughly after every episode. These infections are usually spread through the fecal-oral route.
louize_fml 0
Happened to me. I almost got dehydrated.
CSC_fml 5
You have the flu, your not dieing...the flu is a virus not an infection it can't be cured with antibiotics...So there is nothing the doctor can do for you. Stay home rest drink lots of fluids and in a couple days you will be fine.
Aranaxis 10
Both my brother and I have the stomach flu we feel the same
ScrivNasty 3
If it goes on for too long you'll get dehydrated, especially of you start throwing up too. Honestly you should drink enough fluids and try and get foods to settle your stomach. Have someone consult the dr for you?
Timmeeh 17
Going to the doctor would mostly be an exercise in being (potentially) virulent around others anyway; there's not much that can be done for gastroenteritis. Send someone out for an over the counter palliative, keep drinking plenty of water and wait for it to end.
beastmode21 0
he should send a text to every1 they know and ask for adult diapers
Kiloueka 3
Duct tape your but cheeks shut and drive there
kaykay20 0
Well make sure to drink lots of fluids (preferably water) so you don't get dehydrated. If its from bad food like a sandwich that sat out too long then you will only need to go to the doctors if you think/are dehydrated or it last for more then a few days. Helps to talk to a nurse first before considering a appointment.