Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML
Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML
Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML
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Top comments
panda1o 0
hes gonna go far.
Mipz 2
You've proven yourself dumber than him.
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Comments (120)
dreamering 16
The English language no, but the intellect yes.
iloveboyswittats 10
There is evidence to support the fact that infants are born with some innate understanding of there own language.
justalilrandom2 4
You can play them music in the womb and they will recognise it, it stands to reason for language too. And seeing as all animals have some form of genetic memory in the form of reflexes and natural tendencies, could language not be in there too?
Nhk_fml 4
Agree with 59 while what he said is wrong, it is sort of right.
Isoldael 27
Things you "learn" while in the womb are still not genetic, though.
PurpleFrostingg 7
he sounds like a smart guy
whatever222 3
haha! that's kinda funny
celticsfan69 0
Ya that is kinda funny
notouchyy 6
Hmm maybe he just thought the language came along with the ethinicty?
RyanMacVey 17
like if his parents were asian he would be good at maths?
Mipz 2
You've proven yourself dumber than him.
Mipz 2
If he was like, I dunno, seven, it would have been cute. But not a teenager.
yrkamurka 4
the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :3
rabbittboi 18
Sounds like said apple hit OP's son on the head.
knight0748 5
sounds like newton baby!!
Kayzee01 8
... wait, what?
knight0748 5
I can't think of anything more stupid to comment on this... you son got me beat...
ryanst 7
5's parents must have bad English genes..