Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML
Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
For those who have just had lunch, are having lunch, or are about to have lunch do yourself a favor and don't look up "felching."
Ainarr 29
I don't even know what felching is. Public school these days. ):
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Comments (79)
Ainarr 29
I don't even know what felching is. Public school these days. ):
Chicagoillinois 18
It's gross... You suck semen out of the others anus... I don't want to know how he knows this.
hugozac88 22
Dude don't feel alone, me neither
marcranger 29
Thanks, 11. Now I wish I could un-know that.
madazphotography 11
I didn't no either and I go to a public school
wassuploves 16
not even just public schools... private schools are just as bad or sometimes even worse...
Enslaved 38
11, he probably knows the same way you and many others do. Most likely urban-dictionary or google. Just because the son knew what it was, doesn't mean he has done or would do that. Hell, a lot of people know what a "strawberry shortcake" is but would never participate!
lndala 15
What is a strawberry shortcake?
trex454 21
42- after what just happened with fletching why would you ask that
Mauskau 36
You almost ruined my steak :
Arwen_Evenstar 37
It's slightly worrying that the father was teaching him wing information. Hopefully nothing that could've led to a pregnancy. I so wish I hadn't read this thread though. Some things I could happily go my entire life without knowing.
roxzanne22 20
Would someone explain what a strawberry shortcake is.....?
vipirius 18
Maybe we should start by explaining what Google is?
Mandybruin 15
That's just wrong. Must people be so gross? Ew.
Mandybruin 15
I wish I hadn't looked up strawberry shortcake but my curiosity got the best of me. Dang. Just...dang...
Suaria 38
When someone is giving oral sex and the guy takes his penis out of the mouth and his semen goes on your face. Then they punch you to make your nose bleed so it combines with the semen to make a pinkish color.
redneck_wolf 19
Do you know what felch means? Yeah? Well then tell me, would you rather get felched, or do the felching?
whitetiger13131 26
91- I think I love you
chillandfun 12
Public schools in jersey are really good.
isaysmile 10
Thanks. Now *looks up on google* 'how to even'
imshadyxo 25
"Insane" was the first thing that came to mind
sturschaedel 27
81, since google also shows picture results I'd rather ask here than use google.
kirbs19 37
I just threw up a little
Hime9908 22
How do you know that
xx000o 27
#91 do you mean would you rather be the felchor or the felchee?
RoboCunnilingus 23
#91- That's how I learned what it meant tbh.
grimpeeper 13
Now that I've seen this entire chain of comments, I need bleach.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Today, I learned what felching was and what a strawberry shortcake is. I don't think I can eat ever again. FML
muck_fichigan 12
On behalf of my generation, sorry
theawkwardlife 21
Speak for yourself. I'm not sorry my vocabulary is more developed than yours OP.
Mauskau 36
Some things are better off not being known, though.
Jjan04 14
#44, what...? What does that have to do with anything here?
DeathofCareBear 21
At least he knows what's going on.
drayloon 50
shit, I needed urbandictionary,
ToxicMoo33 18
This is why our society is so ****** up these days. ?
santosb1 11
It's not so much that we are "****** up" but that we are more of an open society and are readily exposed to such material.
BlondePsycho 43
I dunno about that, i mean we love to imagine that olden times were far more civilized than us but they didnt have the internet keeping anonymous records of their every filthy though. There have definitely been moments and times in history were people got very kinky but the information is either suppressed as "vulgar" or was never reported in the first place
Tyrez 32
The fact that 'felching' exists pretty much means people are ****** up... I mean what kind of person would even be into that shit? Wouldn't do that for a million bucks.
fuckyourlifeOP 25
78, well, money is cool, and one million bucks is a lot so... I'd do it! ....haha, just kidding, I'm not crazy! Two million and it's a deal...
littleteapot 21
As gross as I think felching(and pretty much anything involving an anus) is, I try not to judge the sexual exploits of two consenting adults. I don't care what they do as long as they disinfect before they return to the common area.
JessieTaft 17
That's really...unfortunate :/
brookenicolee29 27
It seems he didn't really need a sex talk..
Erebus_Terror 12
who says it was the son who needed it? ;-)
Exodiafinder687 58
For those who have just had lunch, are having lunch, or are about to have lunch do yourself a favor and don't look up "felching."
WH1T3B0YH4ZSW4G 9
Thank you so much
FieldLeftBlank 20
#7 is a most devious attempt at reverse psychology.
RobinGoodfellow 47
So you're the one who submitted the FML I just moderated about looking up felching while eating lunch.
yve1220 20
I wish I read this before looking it up ?
Ashamed_Sister 60
Your advice came too late, but now I definitely will not eat.
kerstileann 26
Dont look up what a "Metal Dan" is either. I felt so sick after reading that, i feel sick just typing it.
Tailored 15
You have no idea how tempted I am before I hit my lunch break....**** it!
TCRII 30
Little did you know that you were about to get the talk, not give it.
photographer49 22
I'm curious why the OP was giving the sex talk but wasn't correct in what she was teaching. Sounds to me, it's a good thing her son knows so she doesn't give him false information
lil_ham1644 29
It's the dad giving the sex talk, not mom.
gabwielle 8
It's anonymous so OP could be either.
ArturoRamirez 16
It says Anonymous (man) where it says who's it by.
hazukilockheart 13
whelp, public school and Google provide quite the sex talk these days ;_;