Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML
Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML
Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML
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Top comments
panda1o 0
hes gonna go far.
Mipz 2
You've proven yourself dumber than him.
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Comments (120)
lizardking7106 0
5 do us all a favor and never reproduce
DalekScythe 0
5 is a dumbass, and 53 I think is making fun of 5, or just trolling.
fyreshadowes 2
If I'm not mistaken, it's been proven that human children of all races are born with the ability to make any of the unique noises/sounds associated with any given language. For example, the rolled "r" sound that doesn't exist in English, but does in many other Latin-based languages. Or the many sounds in Russian that are almost impossible for a native English speaker to pronounce. This is one of the reasons why children who are born in a foreign country to immigrant parents can learn to speak the language of the host country more fluently than their parents' native tongues. If your son believes that he was born into this world fully equipped to speak English fluently from day one, then it's his school's fault for not educating him properly. If he simply means that he does well in English subjects, such as grammar and literature, then being good at a specific subject is something that can be passed down genetically. Perhaps you should have made your post more clear to avoid confusion.
LordGoober 13
107- I doubt 5 is smart enough to reproduce...
Nuahavizu 17
It would sure be a lot easier if we were born with the ability to speak a few languages, rather than trying to learn em, eh?
Leachica 0
im sorry but if your son is that dense you prob should spend a little more time helping with his home work...
Leachica 0
im sorry if he is that dense you should prob be spending a little more time helping with his homework.
iloveluddy 1
I study linguistics and in fact your son is partially correct. According to the theory of Noam Chomsky all children are born with a Universal Grammar that gives us a natural affinity for learning language. This is what sets us apart from other animals. Most languages have a few basic structures in common (this is where the UG comes in) which is what we are born with. As we observe other humans in our environment we pick up the unique rules and structures of our given language. Think about this, did you teach your son every little grammatical rule and word that he knows? Did anybody. Most likely not. We have a natural affinity for language. This ability to learn new languages generally reduces by the age of fourteen making learning a new language more difficult. So, in reality your son isn't as stupid as you've made him out to be. :)
Dilwann 27
I study psychology and we saw the same theory. Point is, OP's son was referring to English in specific, which is not passed down genetically. The only genetic thing is that he has the possibility to learn grammar without it even being pointed out. But even so, he was wrong. He meant that he, as a baby, would understand English better than any other language, which isn't the case. You can throw around theories all you like, but if they don't apply to this case, it's irrelevant :)
cinder2theblock 0
How is this fml, everyone asks a dumb question every now and then
Unknown_stranger 0
He was trying to make sure.