Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Alleged_Cranium 7
How did OP end up with theses kids? Expired condoms?
spaboolly 26
I am assuming these are your children... so why the hell would you let their FATHER dictate a "policy" that could potentially poison them? You need to assert yourself more, especially on matters of safety, for your children's sake if not your own.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (152)
dragonflyy_86 7
Tell him that people who tell stuff like this are cheap bastards and make him eat expired eggs and milk
beanthemouse 13
People here are saying its the OPs fault for not cleaning out the cupbord of off food... What? I bet you guys that the last time YOU rid the cupboard of old food was 6 months ago! Not everyone checks each and every day for old food. And so that means beacuse she didn't throw out the food her husband has the right to feed the children old food? I have a greedy uncle who eats old, old food. Some even from 2011! He is about 40, and hardly vomits beacuse of his imune system. But he never feeds my cousins old food. A child is diffrent. A day or so from the date is fine I geuss, but in this case it would be a week or two. Children get sick very easily, and he is not a very good perant to feed his children past food! If he thinks its for *******, then HE should eat it and not serve others the food! Now, before I eat any food, I ALWAYS check the date. If its expired, then I simply throw it out. OP, since I am a bad person, and this happend to me, I would give my husband OLD, YUCKY food. And yucky food only! When he comments how it tastes, I would say "well, you did say expiration dates were for *******, so since I am a pussy I am gonna feed them all to you, to keep your (ugh) manliness" that should teach him a lesson. *laughs crazily*
Satoaoi 13
well I hope you made him clean the shit up
paramor3 23
It could be worse...they could have been fed airport/gas station sushi that's been rolled up in saran wrap and left to "age" in the faux refrigerating display! Now that stuff will make the exorcist vomit look like an exaggerated burp!
nvo 6
HE should have been there right with you - catching the mess
simsgirlgem 25
No my mom sometimes brings juices home from wiork I've twice drank soured orange juice I've learned to check
dereksmalls1985 7
Your husband sounds like a moron.
cgibson1890 3
you should have checked the date yourself or smelled before you gave it to your children. Unless your to pussy to test it your self. I believe you got what you deserve and I feel sorry for your kids since there parents are a couple of fucktards!
baref00tmama 15
Your husband sounds like a macho douche. How is becoming sick and dehydrated going to make your kids tough?
TheMystery13 13
"So is pussy, you pussy, so check the expiration date on your hand cream."