Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
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Top comments
NoWayLady 13
Paranormal activity 6?
pinkalicious224 7
Call someone to come pick him up. Then you and your husband can get well and clean up the messes he made.
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Comments (122)
NoWayLady 13
Paranormal activity 6?
Inheritance 10
No no this means hell for OP and her husband. But bright side you can open up a can of whoop-ass when you get off the pot!
Potterfreakk 6
This kind of reminds me of Donnie from The Wild Thornberrys.
XxFA1LxX 4
I think so. I feel like there might need to be a follow-up FML after this one.
Celina_Lune 20
What happened in Paranormal Activity 5 then?! ... Something is going on here....
science_nerd 5
I wouldn't be surprised, by the way they've already put out for of them with the same damn storyline/ scary scene
jackal181 7
I hope to god that they stop making the paranormal activity travesties.
ryry013 6
No no no, this is Paranormal Activity 9, where the demons give the adults food poisoning then possess the kids.
natty098 2
First there needs to be a Paranormal Activity 5
Kaykay2565 9
It's like having thing one running rampade through your apartment, atleast thing two isn't there!
oneforceone 8
You don't know that thing 2 isn't there....
Llama_Face89 34
Rampade? You mean rampant? Or rampage?.
isum21 20
I'd say that food poisoning is a good cause of number 2. and it causes two things lel.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He found the party canon. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Party Canon = Kid's name for a gun (IMO) Why am I being thumbed down? Edit: Oh yeah, I forgot that term was used in MLP:FiM.
iOceanus 18
Give up before you get more thumb downs. xD Apparently, people don't like your post.
WearingHats 14
Swing and a miss Chipmunk.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Yeah, I do that sometimes.
BulldogHoops 14
I hear Kodak is much more affordable.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
What's MLP?!
white16sox 19
91, My Little Pony.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Oh. Thanks. Shit, from the context I knew it was bad, but not THAT bad.
pinkalicious224 7
Call someone to come pick him up. Then you and your husband can get well and clean up the messes he made.
ImaginaryFoe 1
This is by far the best approach. Worst case scenario is the boy hurts himself and neither parent is in a position to react quickly or get him care. He could turn on the stove and start a fire or burn himself. Even the mildest scenarios involve having to feed him, attend to his toilet, clean up after him, etc. If you're not up to minding him, call a friend, neighbour, or family member to come look after him until you're on your feet again. Toddlers need supervision and ill people need rest. We all need a little help sometimes.
1happymummy 14
I know when im ill I literally have no one to look after my two year old so I just have to do the best I can, im lucky I dont get ill very often but its horrible when I do
Darkmagic666 9
That's what 4 said
Carmstro 13
Wow I was going to say that OP might not be able to do so because they might just be retching non-stop or something, but then I realized that they had time to post this to FML.
Potterfreakk 6
get a babysitter??
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Hello? I need a--*BLARRRG*--babysitter. When can--*BLARRG*-- you get here?" Seems legit.
MormonPornstar 7
If somebody asked me to sit their kid while they took a shit... I would walk away with no reply
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
If you hear a loud crash and then silence, he probably went through a window.
Fairclough 8
or his the new dennis the menace
GypsyRover 0
Kids will be kids! Take the time to enjoy it now! Before you know it,that precious stage is gone forever. Sorry you're sick op.
darwinism 30
Once the noises and laughter stops...then it's time to worry! Until then...good luck
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah he's pretty much right. As long as there isn't screaming or a loud thud and silence. You are good OP. but good poising sucks OP. hope you guys get better.
darwinism 30
You may actually be a genuine victim of autocorrect. How does "good poising" suck? I always thought if you had bad equilibrium it was not good. Anyway, I doubt that OP and her husband had a good poise in their state with the food poisoning.
skippymagee 5
Ah the terrible threes. He is just having a little fun.
Scarshadow101 6
*terrible two's. Three year olds are just...trying to adapt, for lack of a better term.
BubbleGrunge 18
Nope-three year olds are actually much more of a challenge than two year olds. Their independence is broadening, therefore it's much like having a 3 ft teenager in the house.
andiewithlove 21
It is most definitely terrible threes. According to my mother, when I was two I was "a little angel".....Then I turned three. She took me to a pizza parlor once and I walked up to another girl clearly older than I and slapped her as hard as my little three year old arm would let me. Why? Because she was at MY candy dispenser.
elletex 8
When I was three, I met Neil Armstrong while at the airport with mother, and when she tried to explain to me that he had walked on the moon, I stared him down and called him a liar to his face. My family has never allowed me to live that down.
Demonfish 14
Oh how I miss those days, when causing chaos and destruction only brought down the wrath of parents, rather than the wrath of the law... :P