Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Toilet training
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Infectious
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Shitty situation
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML
Sympathetic barfing
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML
Top comments
ellyhan 11
Your husband should clean up his own vomit.
mrswombat 16
I feel for you. My mom once had to wake me up while I was puking in my sleep.
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Comments (72)
sjb_2015 20
Don't have kids, kids.
Saxicolous 27
Or husbands, apparently
marcranger 29
I just got Essure, which is permanent sterilization for women without invasive surgery, and if it works, in a few months I should never have to worry about getting pregnant. After reading this FML, I think I should probably have my gynecologist rip out everything and set it on fire, just to be certain.
Bunnyluver 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This isn't any of my business, but why wouldn't someone want kids? Do you know how many other people can't have kids and would like to? If some does decide to not have kids, they should atleast donate their eggs. It sounds pretty insensitive to not only take for granted the gift to bare life and openly tell everyone on the internet.
fakedsincerity 32
Chill out #12 it was just a joke. lol. I'm pretty sure the thought of their kid getting sick hasn't put anyone off having one, nor will a comment on FML. Jeez. And, no, no one is obligated to give their eggs. Kids aren't for everyone and that's perfectly fine.
tarlax 11
Yeah 12, god forbid someone speak their mind if their ambitions in life are different from yours. Wouldn't want to upset people who have such fragile minds that they'd get distressed over hearing that some people really don't want kids.
Kitten_love 22
#12 - my only thought is why would you donate your eggs when there are already plenty of children born without willing or able-bodied parents? I'm a HUGE supporter of adoption. If someone can't have children, they should adopt a child. But that's just my opinion.
pandalover69 26
#12, so I should want kids because other people can't have them??? Your logic is dumb. For me I don't want kids but I want my DNA to go on so I'm looking into donating my eggs. So those people you mentioned have chance at having a kid and my DNA goes on without me having to raise a child. There, everyone's happy.
marcranger 29
12, I hate kids, and the thought of pregnancy terrified me. It's not just the bodily fluids, though disgust of those contributes...it's that overall, when I envision a life in which I were partnered and spawning, I feel sick to my stomach and my soul. I cannot imagine any circumstances under which I would cure children as anything other than a draining, life-sucking burden. I'm well aware that most people don't feel this way, and that there are many who would kill to trade places with my pre-fixed self, but children would be as bad for me as I would for them. Also, I'm no longer considered to be at an optimal egg donation age, since I'm in my thirties. Even if I were, I've heard about what the donation process entails, and I'd like to go through it about as much as I'd like to donate any other organ while I'm still alive.
chuka81 27
Ha, 28, it almost sounds as if you fell from the skies, a complete adult.
kennethlwinter 3
12, there are plenty of reasons to not want kids. I don't feel bad for not wanting them. Not even when there are people out there that can't have kids. There's this thing called adoption for them. There are just so many flaws in your logic it's disgusting.
marcranger 29
I didn't like kids much when I was one myself. I was happy to put that phase of my life behind me, permanently.
DoomedGemini 38
Being a kid is completely different from having one. Some view children as gifts, others can't see them as anything but parasites. Your body changes a lot with pregnancy and if they don't view children well, some can't suddenly change when ones IN them. One isn't exactly a choice as well. I can't fully explain, I actually don't see them that way and might want children. But I can also understand others feel differently and can't help it. And they shouldn't have to for some judgemental strangers. And even if someone has eggs to donate and plan on not wanting kids, it doesn't mean they should donate. That's still taking part of their body and it's understandable why they wouldn't want to do it. Should everyone able to be forced to give blood? Should everyone be forced to give up their organs upon death? Should everyone with spare money be forced to donate to charities? No, it should be a choice. It's donation, not requirement. Not even starting on if people see their genes as harmful to pass on. And I thought you actually had to go through a lot to even be approved to donate them.
emokitty91 12
everyone is saying adoption but unless the entire population of people unable to conceive are made of money i can understand why that's not always the option that comes to mind because I understand it's a very expensive and lengthy process..my husband and I have been trying and so far nothing but if we are unable to have a baby it breaks my heart because we most likely don't have the means to just adopt or have a surrogate
koulz 12
Seems a bit harsh…
DoomedGemini 38
And using donated eggs isn't expensive?
Bunnyluver 20
I understand why people are upset with my comment, but that is my opinion and that's that. I support adoption, but that is another topic. I am referring to people who can't adopt or just really want to have their own kid and are upset by it. I will however reword my statement about donating eggs. People should take into consideration the thought of donation. Personally, if one of my friends/family was hurting, I would definitely jump at the opportunity to help.
Callyn 47
In-vitro with donated eggs is more expensive than adoption. It also leaves a child in the foster care system which can be pretty awful. There's also the fact that the number of donated eggs isn't a limiting factor in whether or not a couple can get eggs for in-vitro fertilization, the supply is large enough that money is the only limiter. Not everyone wants kids and we don't need everyone to have kids in order to keep up our population.
cheeeksss 29
Sheesh, I can't stand when people think there is something wrong with you, or feel the need to change you, if you don't want kids... You can't have an opinion on someone else's life and expect them to be like "huh, you're right. I SHOULD have kids even though they don't fit my lifestyle and I don't have the slightest interest in being a parent." Like seriously not having kids is perfectly normal. And in my opinion, not having kids is actually helping our overpopulation problem. Have a kid. Don't have a kid. Idc. Do you. And let others do what they want.
Bunnyluver 20
I wasn't trying to say you should. Just take into consideration the people who maybe reading these comments and can't have kids.
mrswombat 16
I feel for you. My mom once had to wake me up while I was puking in my sleep.
mylemoon26 8
I am so glad that has never happened to me. I sleep face down and I don't want cause of death to be "drowned in vomit"
Cdwoods 20
what's sad is that vomiting in your sleep is literally a way a lot of people die. my brother included.
cheeeksss 29
Damn, sorry for your loss...
Lucario227 22
At least you don't have a dog to eat it and throw it up again... Right?
hpandher 16
Can't your husband help a little?
toastbrot 9
while I understamd the suggestion that he could probably help too I think the problem is that he might have puked again making matters worse.
Tripartita 45
On the up side, you might get a writing credit if Seth MacFarlane wants to use this in a cutaway gag.
ellyhan 11
Your husband should clean up his own vomit.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
He's sympathy puking; he would never finish cleaning up his mess.
domolovesyoshi 33
Sympathy puke only happens when you see someone else vomit not the actual vomit itself
silvermoon5033 26
Not true, when I see vomit I throw up, not just the act of doing so.
militarybrat 21
Ahhh 17 not entirely true.
Bluepies 24
Since this happened in the morning, there's a good chance the husband had to leave and go to work, and the wife didn't.
greeneyedxx 13
That's pretty sexist, #55. Way to assume the mum doesn't work. Maybe she's exhausted from work?
sangoskywalker 22
I'm sympathy puking just reading this
Moskaaa7 26
Makes me excited for having a family in the future!
Chikiriwak 17
Did he stop puking long enough to help you clean up his mess?
faireanjell 5
Your husband has arms he can clean