Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, I got a stomach bug. Then my three kids joined in like it was a team sport. My husband decided his actual soccer game was more important. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
Today, I got hit with the “Beginning of the Year Curse” and by that I mean my kids went back to school and brought the flu home. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
One of your adult children? Your lazy, unemployed brother-in-law who’s crashing in your husband’s man-cave until he “finds himself?” The mysterious boarder in your basement who has paid a year’s rent in advance, installed triple locks and for some reason, needs to run 8 deep freezers? Those are my guesses!
chubbear 14
Oh **** off. She wasn't belittling her husband, and obviously you have no common sense. It would be less of a blow if he got sick because they'd lose less money. But please, keep spewing out these nonsense comments.
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Comments (11)
RichardPencil 32
One of your adult children? Your lazy, unemployed brother-in-law who’s crashing in your husband’s man-cave until he “finds himself?” The mysterious boarder in your basement who has paid a year’s rent in advance, installed triple locks and for some reason, needs to run 8 deep freezers? Those are my guesses!
Neevster 18
On a side note, was that FML about the person who couldn't get hot water because the stickers were reversed deleted?
Neevster 18
Never mind, my FML was screwing up. Carry on
Little Richard 11
Getting sick with diarrhea should not qualify as an fml. Way to belittle your husband that you make more money, and that you're more important, which is what this was really all about. Your husband deserves an fml for putting up with you.
chubbear 14
Oh **** off. She wasn't belittling her husband, and obviously you have no common sense. It would be less of a blow if he got sick because they'd lose less money. But please, keep spewing out these nonsense comments.
pinkwho 13
Something tells me you have no sense if humor and have never heard of sarcasm.
Cali 57
Are you really trying to copy RichardPencil? Why?
Thundernutz 15
Sorry to say this but you got the shitty end of that deal.
Em2kee 3
U could be pregnant