Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
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Top comments
BShady96 0
well it does count as selfpleasuring...
missfml1105 0
ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...
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Comments (112)
BShady96 0
well it does count as selfpleasuring...
Jacobt24 19
At least she wasnt holding an electric toothbrush
6joe9 0
mmm dont lie OP !!!
systemofadown11 8
Lmao!
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
yes yes it does
muhaidib 2
is the OP a boy or a girl?
rawrlily 0
38- girl Well, that situation bites. I can't think of anything that would suck more.
humorizer 14
@38: You can have a future career as a pokemon professor. You'll probably also forget your grandson's name. Hint: HIs name is Dicks.
hahafylop 4
39 I do not appreciate your double pun.
austinkiser 3
op thats where u show ur bites to her unless u have nothing to show
blackberry90210 0
she probably found it awkward talking to you with an erection.
kellanlvr 1
I kept reading "so I had my mom stick her hand down my pants" but after like the 6th time I read it right >.
Jacobt24 19
63 - OP is a girl. The username says "callie."
BagleHead 6
69- wow, your stupid.
BB_ava 0
74, wow, *you're stupid too.
EvilPotato 15
38 oh ya double pun, get down people, get down!!
aavatar10 0
Should have told her you were masterbating, thus enabling an awkward, yet, sarcastic moment.
InvaderAmi 4
ROFL. That woulda been so awkward... xD
BagleHead 6
79, *Wow, we're all stupit'!
savy7093 9
48 - win.
YurTriniFantasy 1
ummm take off the pants and switch to shorts? sorry OP i know how you feel *scratches leg*
ImaWiseGuy 5
tell her you have crabs and it's far to itchy to **********, perhaps that's more believable then mosquito bitten thighs.....
Laughing_Cow 0
wear short shorts
wikkedphuka 0
yes crabs excuse always works! *looks around* not that iv used it.... juz sayin??? lol
EvilPotato 15
you may as well take your shirt off too then.
CrazyEminemFan 2
i honestly love your picture
CaramelRainbows 2
You should walk in on your mom masturbating and insist that she was using your toothbrush.
Iamnotmyself 17
Screw the toothbrush, bring a camera! Perfect blackmail and then she never has to speak about this to long distance family!
missfml1105 0
ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...
sovietkiwi 0
ikr
IscoreOnU 19
I believe it would be extremely hard to do in jeans. She's dumb.
betty66 3
ha ha yeah, since when is your ****** on your outer thigh?
mcxhunni 0
thats what im thinking!
KRS_13 0
Maybe her mom just glanced at her and thought that.... Or she has her ****** on her outer thigh...
smellymellyy 7
Hahaha! That is hilarious :'D
llCHR15ll 0
your face is hilarious!!!!!
jackiemoonthepro 5
tell her you were rubbing your bites from last night
Naaboo 0
Dirty Boy (; lol.
huntermc7 0
It's a girl...
Naaboo 0
Whatever..
somewizdom 15
The moans of pleasure you were making made it hard to believe you.
OhzTP 7
it's also awkward when you have the bottle of lotion beside you
techweed 12
Tell her: if I want to ********** I will wether you like it or not, bitch