Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML
Today, I was having an intense erotic dream. It was going great until I thought, "I hope this isn't a dream." This caused me to wake up. This isn't the first time I've cockblocked myself in a dream. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
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Top comments
Midrash 5
Your nuts...
SkoomaKi 28
Expect that when your getting real head. Never rush a woman. I wish I could have sex dreams, if only I had imagination...
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Comments (98)
Midrash 5
Your nuts...
domking1315 20
Cant tell if this is a pun or a bad 1st comment
ColdplaySucks 18
You*re
Bonzer 2
10- you can't even spell it right.
Hollywoodgirl79 18
10- I'm thumbing you down purely because you think Coldplay sucks.
perdix 31
Well done! I'm giving #1 the benefit of the doubt that he intentionally used the double-entendre of "your nuts" and "you're nuts." Even if it's just an accident, it's still as funny as ****!
Midrash 5
22 gets it..
MrBrightside21 20
#1 Obviously meant to use that clever, witty pun... Making him the weiner of clever puns.
Calyx_fml 22
16, Coldplay does suck
soccercreator7 3
61, says the one with the sketchy profile pic.
ThisIsMyReign 4
Could be worse. Could have been on camera. XD
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Want to know how I know you're gay? Cuz you listen to Coldplay
florencesummer 0
I think everyone who replied to this comment COMPLETELY missed the fact that the person missused the form of your. It should be "you're nuts". As in "you are" nuts.
Midrash 5
122 - u clearly don't full get the pun.
domking1315 20
122- "you are" slow.. We already went over this...
Midrash 5
*fully
supersmeg12345 10
Grammar police
winnerme123 8
Your nuts what? ..... Hurt?
efemel94 7
Agreed 87. 61's profile picture looks like the love child of the slenderman and rudolf the red nosed reindeer.
Tophatz98 5
Next time dont push so hard :)
Lovers5411 3
well im assuming its a bad first comment being it should be "you're nuts" if he wants to make a pun lol
my_two_cents 3
It was a good pun #1. Too bad most people who comment on this site are morons. I laughed.
thisismeFMLing 0
okay
Pelvispresley 8
Fail attempt at first comment....
Jrod85 0
Add more thought to your next comment
thisismeFMLing 0
okay
thisismeFMLing 0
25 - fukk you
Pelvispresley 8
Ok then fail attempt at second comment
thisismeFMLing 0
k... so?
sassypenguinxox 15
If that's your comment, why say anything at all?
thisismeFMLing 0
because
PandaKitteh 20
Just GTFO -_-'
p3mguin 7
TXT language and out of context comments are forbidden! Now you get the **** out!
zachattack112492 4
Successful troll is successful
Grootensliven 10
Man you really get into those erotic dreams, actions and everything
22cute 17
Why o why would you push on a woman's head while she's giving a ********? Do you want to make her gag or bite you? That's a good way to do it.
nowthenagain10 8
Yea why do alot of guys do that??
alikayanna 0
To make her go deeper because it feels good. It's not rocket science.
jvillan87 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sometimes making her gag is the point. Plus it feels awesome.
sirpantselot 22
It's because it happens in ****. No other reason. 186- if you want her to go deeper you could just ask. It's not rocket science.
SneezyBear 27
it was a dream. Do you ever act consistently in dreams?
Razell 13
... you like having vomit all over your junk? Weirdo.
SkoomaKi 28
Expect that when your getting real head. Never rush a woman. I wish I could have sex dreams, if only I had imagination...
Drigr 9
Yep. OP is a perfect example of a guy who watches too much **** and believes that's what real intimacy is... I'm pretty sure most woman, outside of ****, dislike having their partner grab their head and try to jam it in further.
ontheotherhandd 2
27's spot on.
nofearjenshere 12
There's nothing worse than having your head pushed down when youre trying to do your man a favor. Thats when you stop and make them go down on you instead.
sinkmyanchor 0
I don't see why it's a big deal, some people are into rough stuff like that.
Drigr 9
55, believe me, I know about people wanting it rough. I am a definite masochist. The amount, and severety, of the bite marks currently on my torso would make most people cringe. But the act of grabbing a womans head and forcing her to deep throat you is an act teenage males learn from watching a lot of hardcore ****.
evilplatypus 39
55 - Some people also enjoy scat, but you wouldn't just assume they are and take a crap on them; you ASK if they're into that first.
rudegirlmania 10
42's comment unnerves me, with her age taken into account...exactly how long have you been doing this? O.O
Mauskau 36
If a girl doesn't want to deep throat a guy she shouldn't be forced. It just feels like we're choking and for me, makes me want to throw up (damn gag reflex)
eddyg94 11
This, as with most arguments on FMLife, is a matter of opinion, and sexual activity is probably one of the greatest dividers of opinion of all time. Newsflash guys, some people prefer different things to other people.
doctorhook86 25
70: Was wondering the exact same thing, especially since boys her own age don't really qualify as "men".
tygerarmy 35
While I can understand that some, and probably most people do not want to have their head pushed down while giving head, it was a dream. So why does the OP deserve to be hit in the balls for a fantasy?
twisted_cherub 14
SkoomaKi, I don't have sex dreams, either. But it isn't lack of imagination. It's that my subconscious hates me. In my dreams I get to the point where good stuff is about to happen, then flash forward to getting dressed when it's over. As for pushing her head down: Speaking as a woman with a strong gag reflex--bad move! Ask before you get rough, always. Of course, this doesn't apply to people in dreams. There, you can do anything you want. Unless you're me and you want to participate in the steamy bits of your sex dreams.
evilplatypus 39
77 - Probably because he attempted to push dream-girl's head with so much force he actually HURT himself.
HentaiBunny 4
I think it's a turn on to have him directing. You want to do what he wants you to do for him to feel good right? I mean, we don't give head so that we feel good, its for him.
wetFeline 3
Your a ******* weirdo skook. Like wtf. Just share that shit with all of fml you perv
twisted_cherub 14
As established many times, it's more about the force with which he did it and how that would potentially hurt a girl. Also, most women can't get something shoved into their throats without gagging. He wasn't just directing, he was forcing. 82- I do it for me. It turns me on like no other foreplay can. But I have a strong gag reflex so he lets me stay in control, and he still gets plenty of enjoyment.
broadwaybrian 2
I just fell in love with HentaiBunny :O
Drigr 9
82, oral isn't all for the other partner from anyone. I, like the other person who mentioned it, get turned on a lot while going down on a girl. I think of it as getting pleasure out of giving pleasure. Though I'm curious, do you not have a line between being led and being forced? You can lead a horse to water, but when you drown it, you no longer have a horse.
Lunachic91 6
You took the words right out of my mouth. How can anyone be held responsible for their dreams?
redmane 21
wetFeline - Asshat.
HentaiBunny 4
Well no, I'm not saying the girl doesn't get any pleasure from giving head, it's stimulating, but the main concern of a ******* is to please the man. That's what I meant from "for the guy."
twisted_cherub 14
Drigr- LMAO, literally! Great analogy. A thumbs up was not enough to express how much that made me smile. And, just so you know, I'm going to repeat that to my friend. She'll love it.
doctorhook86 25
118: You seem like a girl who's down for anything, no matter what gets rammed down her throat. Sup?
oneFUCKINword 8
This is why we have gag reflexes, so guys learn quickly not to force girls heads down to hard. Once they do it to hard once, lesson learnt.. Unless his a complete idiot that is, and doesn't learn from his mistakes..
Shenannigoats 16
Agreed.
Harpy20 24
82- best analogy ever.
downtime 13
148, If you didn't have the gag reflex you probably wouldn't need to worry about having your head pushed down in the first place...
dissention 4
Drigr, technically you'd still have the horse. On topic, idk I've been told to pull hair, push on her head, and all other types of weird shit. Some chicks are freaks and like it rough.
JohnBoyFsYL 10
70- I'd say most girls I knew when I was 17 had gone that far with a guy. Most has lost their virginity by then and I didn't have a particularly slutty group of friends. It's not that weird.
likeaarbear 1
I know there are a majority of woman who the that but I've been with a couple of girls who love it and beg for it. Soo..... You guys can't speak for the everyone :)
asianswag 6
That sounds pretty nutty if you ask me
yesyesnonono 10
Budum-tss
SqueakyChipmunk 22
You guys are driving me nuts.
Thepunspotter 3
couldnt have said it better myself
DeadPixel4 29
I'm gonna go ballistic if you guys don't stop!
BrysGirl27 14
Hahah sounds like a lovely dream;) with a not so happy ending
everydayFML2121 5
At least he didn't come all over his sheets
everydayFML2121 5
At least he didn't come all over his sheets
themarshal_fml 6
I'd rather cum on my sheets than punch myself in the nuts
Rianokami 22
Ow. Started reading the fml and guessed that he would do something like that. Sorry OP, that sucks.
damnu 3
Yeah, the girl too.
ianbeef 11
Rofl I'm laughing so hard right now! But I'm sorry to hear that happen I know that really hurts:(
Irishgypsy 2
OP, never give up!! If you **** up a wet dream, be a trooper and wake up and finish it.
wetFeline 3
That means your probably gay
yankfan89 27
Yes because only straight guts love blow jobs.
jayfreeman80 0
What exactly makes you think a guy dreaming of getting blown by a woman is gay?
wetFeline 3
His subconscious trying to remove his real feelings
westcoastkp 13
and how is that?
Gubbon 17
you're *