Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
crazytwinsmom 25
Ex girlfriend I hope!
speckledots 29
Damn. BTW. You aren't supposed to "suck" on anything. Unless you want a dry socket.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (113)
Metallica36176 16
She must be sucking a tampon herself...
JerryH 9
Shes cheating on you bro
oathkeeper77 5
Sounds like she's the one who needed a tampon.
PhishloverA 14
Dd she at least give you one of hers to suck on?
sugoine 12
Keep dating her until she was really, really, really needs you-then, when she needs you to take care of her, call her a whiny ****, and dump her ass. P.S. this advice is from a chick & I truly hope you heal fast & the pain goes away very quickly!!!! Had my wisdom teeth out-was a nightmare!
4680kaitie 5
I hope you dumped her ass
ohSNAPyall 27
Just don't suck the tampon or else you might end up with the dreaded dry socket.
escobar07 10
I'm on her side. What does she need to check on, she's not a dentist anyway.
Maria_Obligacia 14
even so, but why be so terribly crude and rude about it?
escobar07 10
This is what's wrong with men these days. They are all so vaginized its not even funny
vibernum 17
Thing is with wisdom teeth removals there are so many variables you don't know as everyone's reaction to it is different. Besides, when you're feeling like crap it's nice to know someone cares. And going back on your word? Bad move.
jtn143lmb 4
Lol his name is datin a ****** ****
rageandlove13 8
OP, you shoulda said "I guess I am what I eat!"