Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML
Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
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Top comments
crazytwinsmom 25
Ex girlfriend I hope!
speckledots 29
Damn. BTW. You aren't supposed to "suck" on anything. Unless you want a dry socket.
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Comments (113)
crazytwinsmom 25
Ex girlfriend I hope!
BulldogHoops 14
That's not really a dump-worthy transgression unless she's that rude all the time.
Ewwe91 7
But if she's rude like that for no good reason then I agree with her, It's dump wothy..
yessy729 0
If you break up with someone for small stupid reasons like this, be prepared to be single fo lifeee!
Ewwe91 7
If you take your partner for granted and are rude like that, you'll be singel for life too.
Ameel_fml 19
I don't know...this could be a hint at her personality, imo. The OP needed her to look after him (which is a good idea...OP won't be able to drive anywhere for a day or so, and will also be taking prescription pain killers which can have side-effects) and she wasn't there for him when she said she would be. Sure, it might just be a one-time thing. But it also might be a pretty big clue towards her unreliability, and/or her uncaring nature towards a loved one who needs help/is in pain.
prettyinpink03 11
That's absolutely dump worthy. I couldn't stand to be together with someone who blatantly showed such disregard for me and my pain. That's hurtful and just plain rude. I'd never call something like this "small"...
MDTeddy 13
What kind of plans? I hope it doesn't involve a boy. Also, who wouldn't want to see their bf/gf?
Goldenchest 14
Maybe she's on her period
Bcfrmkc816 17
I agree with #1.
Ewwe91 7
Wow nice girlfriend, why would you be with someone like that? :/ sorry for you man!
shayshayshazam 14
Personally I find the tampon comment funny. And wisdom teeth being removed isn't a huge deal. It's not like he got a leg amputated...
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
It's still pretty painful. I know how it feels OP, my boyfriend came over to my house with his friends to take pictures of my chipmunk cheeks to put on facebook =/
Ameel_fml 19
It's still considered a surgical operation, and requires a few days of recovery (about a week, sometimes more depending on the situation.) And really, OP won't be allowed to drive for the next day or so, and might have side-effects to the painkillers he'll be taking. That's why doctors and dentists recommend that a patient not be alone for the next few days after having their wisdom teeth removed. Too many people treat it as no big deal, and can end up with torn stitches, infections or sometimes worse.
whiteboy896 9
Who cares if she got new plans? Just take a couple extra pain killers and forget about it.
ComTlancy 12
OP's appropriate response could have been: Well you can go **** yourself because I ain't doing it
speckledots 29
Damn. BTW. You aren't supposed to "suck" on anything. Unless you want a dry socket.
pdp_fml 21
Speckledots, how did you know that? Are you a dental assistant?
PeteyPablo12308 20
Probably because if you have had your wisdom teeth pulled, you will have been warned by the dentist that sucking, smoking etc will cause dry socket.
speckledots 29
Dentists these days tend to give you forms on what not to do and how to take care of your teeth. Ya know. proper procedure and such.
luvin_purple 11
When I had my wisdom teeth removed, my dentist gave me a form with information on what to do and not to do. You can't suck on anything (like a straw for example) because the pressure will remove the blood clot from the open wound and then you can get dry socket or an infection. My dentist advised me to just apply gauze every 15-30 minutes depending on how much bleeding there was.
speckledots 29
THANK YOU! Point proven.
ohSNAPyall 27
Oops
sens3sfailing 25
I had the exact same thing happen to me as 86.
Rockinroyaltyx3 21
my shit dentist didn't give me any form. sooo....I got a dry socket. first and last time he will ever be my dentist. (it was my first wisdom tooth removal) :(
jewwybeanzzz 10
please tell me you broke up with her...
onlychildFTW 34
If I was her I would have said "put a tampon up you mangina and man up pussy."
delevish 3
Onlychildftw, I can tell by your FML profile that you're a moron. That explains your comment. Also, your comment leads me to believe you don't treat your girlfriend/boyfriend very well.
T9FTW 20
Aww, she's so loving! I'm jealous of your relationship.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
... Said no one ever. LoL
WiderWille 11
Alright, anyone want to explain sarcasm to #12?
MeLuvBewbs 7
Tell her to "suck your dick". That will make you feel better
StoryOfTheYear 15
That there was real clever like, that there was.
Crlnprz 11
Your picture, yes
accioshannon 17
Yes, "meluvbewbs", you CLEARLY look like the type of person to give good relationship advice.
Eddie209 3
There's some sarcasm here #45. Learn to pick it up.
bimonthly 4
Actually not a bad idea. If you've had teeth pulled you'd know ...
zingline89 18
Actually a terrible idea. If you've had common sense you'd know...
lukemack 4
I see who has the balls in this relationship..
MrSassypants 34
Then you have gotten way too intimate with OP.
oj101 33
That wasn't a *wise* thing for her to do. In fact, it was *incisorsive* of her to do.
oj101 33
and you should have a *molar* compassionate girlfriend. FYL
shayshayshazam 14
Those are all terrible puns. Or teethible, whichever you prefer.
oj101 33
#26, do I get a cookie for at least trying?
oj101 33
there's always some pun to be had
perdix 31
Get a tampon from a nice, new girl -- a fresh, unused one that is still in its wrapper. Then, open the wrapper and send her to get you a tampon.